| How can fathers initiate contact on behalf of their daughters? |
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| Monday, 28 February 2011 22:42 |
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The best way for you to accomplish your goal would be for the girl's father to make an account on Sovereign Grace Singles (SGS) for his daughter but using his email address so all communication from other members on the site will come through his email account, and then only if he wants, give the username & password for that SGS account to his daughter. The father could freely contact other men on the site on behalf of his daughter. SGS's owner, Dean Scott, is in favor of fathers using the site in this way, so be assured it's within the site's terms of use. Many, though probably not all, men on this site will receive this approach well. If you do this, to avoid somehow appearing dishonest to other members of the site, you should be careful to write a clear note in the SGS user account you create that explains in what way the father will be involved in the process--something like (writing from the daughter's perspective) "Men, please note that all emails you send to this account will be read by my father before they come to me." or (writing from the father's perspective) "Men, please note that while this account is for and about my daughter, I (her father) am the owner of this account, and all communication will go through me first." In either case, it would be best to set that account's "Gender" setting to "female," because the options for that "Gender" setting on SGS are "male," "female," and "Met on SGS;" there is no option there for "father." It would be a little confusing to other SGS members for a daughter's account to be set to her father's gender, and it would make it less likely that other men would even FIND your daughter on the site. As an alternative, your daughter could create the SGS account using her email address, and give her father full access to her SGS and email accounts. SGS doesn't provide a specific technical means of guaranteeing that a relationship follows a particular method of "courtship" rather than "dating," but the owner and many of the members of SGS wholeheartedly encourage using SGS in the context of right Christian accountability in the church and family. The key reason our web developer Tim Black (who is also an OPC pastor) is not ashamed to be involved with SGS is that because of the nature of the conservative Reformed community, you are not anonymous, and there is real accountability among the members of the site. For example, it's very likely that someone else on the site knows you, or knows someone who knows you, and so could easily find your pastor's phone number. SGS's owner readily bans members who did something clearly immoral through the site. We've also seen that members do not tolerate or encourage immoral communication through the site. So although the site's technology cannot guarantee that its members will pursue marriage in a godly way, because the majority of the members are sincere Christians, and truly committed to the Reformed faith, you will find a majority of its members are truly in favor of fathers taking a strong role in their daughter's preparation for marriage. It is this kind of deep and sincere Christian commitment that makes SGS unique in the world of online "dating" sites. Hardly anyone would want to become an SGS member unless they are looking for a theologically conservative, Reformed, Christian spouse, and that's the way we like it! 
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