By God's immeasurable grace, to glorify Him by displaying in my life this awesome truth:  "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

I became a believer at age 34 after reading the first five chapters of Matthew's gospel. Till then I had been a vicious Christ-hater in a 12-Step group, willing and eager to lead any and all Christians away from Jesus or shun them if I could not. It is astonishingly ironic that this pagan got saved. I was not supposed to become a Christian... how could this happen to me?!  Praise God, the Lord of Glory had other ideas for this chief of sinners!  My walk with Jesus, by His Spirit, is better than I had hoped, for I truly feared my conversion would not “stick.”  At the same time, I know my own righteousness even after a thousand lifetimes of conversion would never be more than so many filthy rags.  I will always be pruned by the Spirit that I might glorify God as I am conformed more and more to Christ’s image.  It is the way of the Cross and the desire of my heart; to thus be prepared for glory.  But, sometimes, it really hurts!

While still an infant in the faith, and with a history of having been duped by my own and others’ aberrant ideologies in the past, the Lord had great mercy on this gullible, delusional sinner. For within a short period of time after being regenerated I was led to ask God specifically to lead me to the golden gospel thread running from Christ through Paul and the apostles down through history to me until I could happily say I was walking in the good and narrow Way of the Cross. This eventually led me to Lorraine Boettner's "Reformed Doctrine of Predestination" and other Reformed literature. Since the early church, what body of biblical thought and interpretation has turned the world upside down? The Reformed Faith during the Reformation, of course! It is difficult to imagine, unless one has been deceived by the philosophies of this world and the shams of the synagogues of Satan, just how comforting it is to be in the narrow Way. God's covenants of grace and redemption, from the salvation of Adam and Eve, to the glory of the saints in eternity, and the whole drama of redemptive history played out with exacting foreordained and intimately controlled precision in every delightful dance of every submissive molecule ignites a fire in my mind like nothing else can or will! God is my joy, and to see my Sovereign Lord one day is my thirsty soul's truest desire.  Still, I live in this body vexed by this mind, and all too frequently discover joy has gotten lost somewhere (almost always due to idolatry).  Were it not for grace I’d wonder from time to time if my Friend had left me.  But grace rests in God’s faithfulness to his own glory and in his beautiful, incomprehensible disposition to be kind to sinners like me.  And so I return to joy and cry, “Come, Lord!”

Also the doctrines of grace have taught me about GRACE! Now, if I could just keep grace before my eyes. If there is any one thing that is like oil in the hand – practically impossible to hold onto – it is grace. It is no wonder that my pastor has to constantly tell me to read the gospels and look to Jesus on the cross. I have very mixed feelings realizing there is a part of me that gets infuriated by grace, rebels at being a debtor to God, wanting rather for God to be indebted to me, to let me do whatever I please. Isn’t that how things are supposed to work?! Or, perhaps worse, I want to pay him off so I don’t owe him anything and he has nothing hanging over me. It is no wonder at times I can barely wait to be released from this realm of existence and made entirely pure. Grace will get me there, I know (Php 1:6). Praise God for his initiative, his freely given mercy... his grace. All made possible by a gentle Savior who lovingly paid the law’s demands in my place.

My prayer and devotion routines vary but that’s okay for now.  I pray most mornings right out of bed.  Currently, I’m reading the “The Bible Promise Book” over and over because it is very helpful for me to be reminded of God’s promises topically.  I got it for a dollar; a very good buy.  Most recently studied subject was growth in grace.  The men’s group in our church this past year read through “How People Change” by Lane and Tripp.  I recently did a 10-15 minute devotional at an assisted living center for which I studied several hours to prepare.  I had such joy digging into God’s word… I can’t wait to hear his voice someday!

The pariah at Luke 18:13. Like him, I could never lift my eyes to heaven, but only sigh in shame, "God, have mercy on me, a sinner." And, oh! The wonder of it all, he did! There is no explanation for my calling upon Christ for my salvation aside from God's own eternal counsels within himself.  I am continually amazed that I am a believer in Christ. I love Paul for his wordplay and his fight. He's always the first to go when people want to pervert God's word. I love Peter because of his brashness. I love Paul and Peter and David because they committed horrible sins as sinners and saints and yet Christ loved them and died for them, too.  I also feel a kinship with the Samaritan woman at the well.  If all these can be loved, saved, and changed then so can I. God's grace in Christ is the measure of hope, not the sinner. Hallelujah!

Insofar as it is God's will, yes. "Will he not along with His Son give [me] all things [to conform me to Christ]?" (Rom 8:32) Of course, he will! That means he will give me what it takes to navigate being single in this life, lonely as it sometimes may be.

Regarding my singleness, I am focusing on developing friendships right now rather than “trying to get married.”  I am very relational and am hoping for some Christian social interaction (even if just online) as it is sometimes deathly quiet here.  I am being matured so that I release my idols and worship God alone, though I would love to do that worshiping married.

Regarding marriage, I have much to say!  Lord willing, I hope to be married to a godly woman who understands that it is my joy to sacrificially love and lead her as a faithful husband and companion; as well, that I should bear her burdens in order to present her to Christ, her true Groom, all the while enjoying our friendship and love along the way home to Him. I long for someone who understands life means leaning on each other even as we lean wholly on Christ.

I don't believe I am made to remain single. God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” My thoughts exactly! Not my will however, but His, be done.

These are the most often heard:

- Encouraging, Supportive, Helpful (A redeemed chief of sinners has no excuse not to be!)

- Consistent, Loyal, Dependable (Praise God I’m practically a fixture at church.)

- Thoughtful and Creative (I tend to want to help others in imaginative ways.)

- Tenacious and Hardworking (I like to see things through.)

Other qualities or characteristics friends mention:

- Sensitive, Pensive (The burden of this is over-thinking things… good reality checks come in handy.)

- Weird, Strange, Funny, Silly (It’s a gift… in measure.)

- A friend once said I was charming and rarely offensive. However, I thought all my hard work should have warranted something more than just a "rarely"!

I am most passionate about truth and trust in God. This is why a good understanding of God’s word is vitally important to me. For instance, current debates over justification and the atonement leave me emboldened to defend the Faith. For starters, to call penal substitutionary atonement “cosmic child abuse” betrays not only a perversely manipulative spirit and willingness to engage in the most incendiary rhetoric but also, and more significantly, a profound hostility toward both God’s description of our need and his wise provision of our Remedy. Jesus was not a cooing little baby that a maniacal father on a whim savagely threw to a pack of ravenous dogs. Jesus was a mature man – and eternal God! – making the most scripturally informed, obedient, and voluntary decision in accordance with his wise and loving Father’s will. And Christ did this selflessly to save an untold number of people who don’t know their left hand from their right, all headed for everlasting torment as a just payment for their sins, not his. Even in Hollywood, of all places, they’d call that heroic. But we have people who call themselves Christians who would call it an abomination?! What madness is this! I’ll tell you what’s abominable: that our lovely Lord Jesus, the pure and spotless Lamb, had to die in the place of sinners like me. But what a Treasure he is for doing what we did not want and could not do. Truly, we must call him Friend! How glorious is he!

I have a passion for teaching, and hope to become an elder someday that I might aid my pastor and the other elders in giving sharp, sturdy tools to Christ's people.  I feel very loyal to my church which has extended such amazing love to me. Given its current growth, I’d like to help attend to the growing needs of the church as an elder.  Teaching Sunday school and providing the rare pulpit supply feels right to do with the personal history and gifts with which the Lord has blessed me. Much, however, will depend on the prayerful advice and wishes of a wife (should marriage come first), for there’s nothing wrong with just being a regular member of the church.

I’m passionate about church life, discipleship and service.  For several years, I’ve been involved in a monthly ministry to the elderly at a local assisted living center. It has taught me much about the importance of the gospel and devoting time to the spiritual needs of these forgotten ones.  I coordinate the Lord’s Supper preparations weekly.  I’m the informal activities coordinator for our summer picnics.  For some reason, I’m like the only guy who’s asked to empty the trash cans as they fill at our monthly fellowship meal (I think the married guys must be crippled, or perhaps it’s some sort of rite of passage or an effort to showcase my "marriageableness":  “Oh, look, Mabel… that Lee handles the Hefty so deftly!”)  And, I close the sanctuary doors at 9:55 a.m. like it’s nobody’s business.

Finally (and seriously), I am passionate about someday being married – in the Lord – to a wife who is also my best friend and with whom I can share all of life; a companion with whom I can laugh, cry, grow old, help others, and praise God. I long for a wife who earnestly desires to pray together and privately. For how can a marriage last without regular, heartfelt petitions and praise to the God who restores marriage in Christ? I know beyond any doubt I need a helper in this area. I will not be alarmed if a potential wife has the same weakness, for we all struggle with prayer.

- The Father's love for and choice of me from the foundation of the world

- Christ's life, death, resurrection, ascension, reign and promise to return for me

- The Holy Spirit's regeneration and sanctification of me, and his illumination of God’s word for me

I appreciate these qualities in others and myself; though I would especially appreciate:

- A woman who is loving, kind, hopeful, faithful, playful, clever, contemplative and serious at times, sarcastic and teasing but in a friendly way;

- Someone who is prayerful and loves the truth and purity of the saints; is loyal, patient, self-controlled, meek, articulate; has a strong spirit and mind but who is also humble and considerate; is suspicious of the culture but not panicked by it; is a bit traditional, and – above all –  forgiving even as she has been forgiven.

I would enjoy to no end a wife who would craft a warm and inviting home. Hospitality, I believe, is a Biblical command which can be met with confidence, drawing on God’s strength and remembering Christ’s love. Women are best at showing hospitality, and do it best when it's done with joy and grace.  I would love to see a wife's personal touch everywhere in the home, but I don’t want a pink subwoofer… of course, if that’s okay with her.  (Sorry… just having some fun!)   Anyway, I think the home should reflect a wife particularly and teach younger women about being a godly wife.

I don’t want a woman who is perfect, because there is no such thing. Are you a sinner? So am I. Is God less able to forgive and sanctify and love you than someone else? That’s impossible. Do you trust and adore Christ and have a deep desire to live in the light of his love and obey him in the power of his Spirit to the glory of the Father? Yet, do you find yourself grieved over a heart given to other loves? Are you saddened that your private prayers are sometimes weak, hollow, distracted, or perhaps few and far between? Then you are neither better nor worse than any of God’s children. We, his chosen, are all foolish, earthen vessels, and as one cry out for our Savior, longing to be made perfect in Heaven where we’ll see Christ as he is. Then we will love him as we ought. Calculate your worth this very moment as an adopted child of the Almighty, if you can. It can’t be done! For who can measure the cost to the Lamb, whose own heart was pierced to purchase a new heart for you and clean raiment that marks you as a royal citizen? So, then, nowhere is your perfection but in sweet, glorious Christ, arrayed in white and gold. Again, look at him. There also is your imperfection: it is nailed to the cross. Christ knows we are dust and are afraid, that we have but little strength. But his love and his work have overcome. And in him so will we.

My friend, Mike, who early taught me how to walk in the Way; my friend, Dan, who taught me to value truth over experience; my pastor and the elders who have labored to nurture my godliness and gifts, and who know the importance of daily scripture reading, devotions, and prayer; my friend, Jon, who has been a wonderful sounding board and great help to me; the brothers and sisters in my church who have shown me what the communion of the saints truly means; all who are teaching me that love and forgiveness tie it all together.

I've been divorced since December 2003. I am completely severed emotionally and practically from that relationship not because of resentment or bitterness, but because of inner renewal and God’s providence.  I praise God that I tend to think of myself as “single,” as opposed to “divorced.” (See 1 Corinthians 7:12,15)  My pastor and elders have scripturally reviewed and prayed about my marriage/divorce history and determined I am free to remarry in the Lord.  Overall, I learned that without Christ and the healing touch I sorely needed from that Great Physician of the heart, grief and sadness were bound to mark that relationship.

In the past year or so, I’ve enjoyed the gift of getting to know a couple nice ladies.  I’ve grown in grace from those relationships and continue to appreciate the kindness and gentleness of the fairer sex, as well as the wisdom, love, and forthrightness to say when the fit is not for the best or that one’s heart has not been inclined to romance.  I saw my tendency to assume definitions and expectations were held in common.  I saw my desire to be needed and thought well of swell to unhealthy proportions.  And, at times, I talked too much and failed to make my points efficiently… for some it really can be annoying.  I’ve begun particularly focusing on these areas in my prayers.  I do aspire to be a strong yet humble man and will need more grace and maturity with each passing day.  I pray the Lord continue to shape me into such a man.  Perhaps most importantly, however, I was reminded of how essential the communion of the saints is for counsel, love, and guidance and how my church family must remain the core of my relationships as a single man.  I also became even more convinced that friendship and marriage are worth the work.  They are wonderful gifts and – especially regarding marriage – will require work after the vows.  So, why should finding someone to marry be less engaging of my time and energy? 

I believe a potential wife benefits from consulting with her pastor/elders (and, of course, others she trusts) regarding her plan to marry or remarry, especially if she was divorced. Also, I would encourage an interested woman to consult with my pastor.  Any interested woman should feel very free to ask him questions about me. Our pastors and elders are “overseers of our souls” (Act 20:28; Heb 13:17), so getting their biblical counsel is important. The last thing either I or a wife should want is to be married without clear consciences and scriptural advice and support from our churches.

(My understanding of biblical divorce and remarriage comes from scripture and finds adequate expression in the Westminster Confession of Faith, Jay Adams’ book on the subject, and as briefly delineated in my denomination's Q&A section on our website, www.OPC.org.)

The closing scene and narration of the movie, “A River Runs Through It.”

Dickens’ magical writing in “A Tale of Two Cities”:

                “Even when there were sounds of sorrow among the rest, they were not harsh nor cruel.  Even when golden hair, like her own, lay in a halo on a pillow round the worn face of a little boy, and he said, with a radiant smile, ‘Dear papa and mamma, I am very sorry to leave you both, and to leave my pretty sister; but I am called, and I must go!’ those were not tears all of agony that wetted his young mother’s cheek, as the spirit departed from her embrace that had been entrusted to it.  Suffer them and forbid them not.  They see my Father’s face.  O Father, blessed words!

                Thus the rustling of an Angel’s wings got blended with the other echoes, and they were not wholly of earth, but had in them that breath of Heaven.  Sighs of the winds that blew over a little garden-tomb were mingled with them also, and both were audible to Lucie, in a hushed murmur – like the breathing of a summer sea asleep upon a sandy shore – as the little Lucie, comically studious at the task of the morning, or dressing a doll at her mother’s footstool, chattered in the tongues of the Two Cities that were blended in her life.”

Favorite Hymns: “One There Is, Above All Others” and “Be Thou My Vision” as well as so many more.  My overall favorite is “And Can It Be That I Should Gain”:

                “Long my imprisoned spirit lay

    fast bound in sin and nature’s night;

                thine eye diffused a quick’ning ray;

                I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;

                my chains fell off, my heart was free;

                I rose, went forth, and followed thee.

                (Refrain)

                Amazing love!  How can it be

    that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

Most Encouraging Words of Scripture: “What a wretched man I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God – through Jesus Christ our Lord!... He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?... And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’" (Rom 7:24,25; 8:32; Rev 21:3,4)

Other Favorite Bible Passages: Gen 2:24,25; 3:21; Neh 8:8; Psa 25:4-18; Isa 8:20; Jhn 6:37-39; Rom 7:14-25; 8:28-32; 9:6; Eph 5:25; Rev 3:8.

I have a Bachelor's degree in Information Technology (IT) and various IT industry certifications. I will be adding other very important certifications in the coming year or two.  Unless the Lord wills otherwise, I'll remain in the IT field until I retire.

I work as an IT Instructor at a marvelous school in Sacramento, CA.  Some of the staff members are Christian.  Many mornings, we play Bible trivia over our first cups of coffee.  While it is a great place to work all-around, I praise God for this job for one particularly humbling reason: a job as an IT Instructor at an IT school is about as secure a job as one could hope for in these troubled economic times.  God has been very gracious to me.

To hear from Christ, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant" and to know that I had done well – by His grace and Spirit – in glorifying God in my life and death.  Should the Lord will it, I would love to have walked alongside a godly woman and really added joy to her life.  I would be glad to have served the discipling needs of Christ’s church.  I’d like to see the children in my church grow up to own their faith vitally, serving the Lord and their families in Christian love, and being salt and light to a lost world.  I’d like to travel a bit, go on a cruise, and see some ancient ruins in South America and Greece.

Mostly, I love to Fellowship with my church family, especially on the Lord’s Day.  As mentioned earlier, I have become the default, informal, unofficial activity coordinator for our summer picnics.  I love playing soccer and throwing the Frisbee around at those!  We have a first-aid stand at the picnics (actually just a huge bowl of miniature Payday candy bars and an endless supply of blue Gatorade).

Aside from that, because I work full-time and am studying to obtain another industry certification, leisure time is rare right now.  I tend to make time for recreation when there’s somebody to do something with.  On my own, I get excited when the laundry is done and the bills are paid.  (Just kidding… I’m a lot more fun than that!)  Every now and then I’ll go out to eat something nice just because I’m feeling up!  Although I’m a computer guy, I don’t get ga-ga over computers.  I have breakfast with my old friend, Dave, at Denny’s every now and then (“Old” describes him, not that we go back a long ways.  Did that sound defensive??)  Just hanging out and talking over a cup of coffee is wonderful, too. I don't have a television right now and don't listen to the radio (I don’t like “talk radio” and people always trying to sell me something, be it ideological or technological). I sometimes like music as background to any studying I might be doing. I like to watch movies and am completely open to getting a nice music and home theater system someday for me and a future wife. (How good of me!) I do like to put in a CD in the car. I like to take road trips. I love to play Frisbee! Let me say that again: I love to play Frisbee! I'm in good shape for my age and love to run/walk/jog (when the weather is good), but I haven’t been doing this much recently.  I’ll probably join a gym here soon so I can do some regular swimming for fitness.  I have only one hobby, and it doesn’t consume my time persistently: it is home and car audio hi-fi systems. There’s usually a non-intrusive period of research, an expenditure followed by setup/installation… and then it’s over. And I don’t get touchy over such things or impose my music on others (that’s why I ensure I always have a good car stereo so I can get my fix without imposing on others). I want a wife, and even guests, to be able to use and enjoy a music system in my home, rather than see it as a juvenile male point of contention or source of annoyance. I’d love to have people over to watch movies and chow on popcorn and Milk Duds, for some in the body of Christ really just need a place to “get away and stretch out” from time to time… life isn’t always peaches and cream for us weary pilgrims.

I love to dance!  All my dancing was to 80's and 90's R&B/Soul and Pop/Rock done in “sober dances” usually hosted by the area AA groups. I say “was” because some time has passed since those dancing days.  By the way, such dancing can be done without dishonoring God if one is conscientious of certain factors which either maintain or erode proper decorum (e.g. venue, crowd, song lyrics, dance style, etc.).  It may be that sticking strictly to the “sober dances” (and thus probably a more mature crowd) would be the ticket to moderately appropriate dancing environs... there's always hope!!

I’d love to learn swing dancing or some other regional favorite that shakes somethin’ loose!! 

At my church, we are learning folk-dancing and contra-dancing.

I was born in Michigan but spent most of my youth in Washington State.  There, I lived in Port Orchard (across from Seattle) for my senior year of high school and have never seen a region so beautiful.  I joined the Navy at 18, and have had the privilege of visiting various places around the world.

I want to be upfront and say I came to Christ out of a background rife with sin and misery; nearly all in my family need God's special saving grace.  What you see here may not seem to jibe with that statement, but that’s a good thing!  What you encounter here in my writing is mainly the result of my conversion, not the best upbringing.  Believe me, I’ve never been fancy or sophisticated and neither is my family.  My picture at the top (I love that tie!) was from the day I joined my church a few years ago.  It is just a picture; in a sense, it portrays something of me, but not the entire story.  My writing is (though quite lengthy) the product of quiet moments behind books, hiding in wonderful lands with longed-for heroes.  Thus, I have been granted an unusually strong inner life coupled with an equally strong desire to express and share with others to whom I'm drawn.  Ultimately, though cliché it's nonetheless true:  I’m just me.  I'm not just my picture, nor just my past.  Twenty-thousand words will never convey that properly.  But it is important to say something of me and my family in this regard for some are unsettled by non-Christian families and the dysfunctions which accompany them.  (Yet, rest assured, I am quite discerning about involvment with my blood family.  My church family comes first.)

I have some family local to me, while others are far-flung.  I am taking a special interest in seeing to my mom’s welfare and ensuring she has a secure place to live.  My dad lives in southeast Washington State still so I visit him and my step-family from time to time, taking an extra day to make the long solo drive to go eat clams at Ivar’s in Seattle.  We went as a kid and I liked it.  I still do it because it feels fun!

Regarding relocating, I will go wherever the Lord moves me, always considering the wishes and needs of a wife (if I’m married) and the location of a proper church before doing so.

Favorite Authors & Books Which Influenced Me

- J.C. Ryle, “Holiness” and “Commentaries…”

- Edwards, “Religious Affections” and “The End for Which the World Was Made”

- Bunyan, “Pilgrim’s Progress”

- Spurgeon, “Morning by Morning” and “Evening by Evening”

- Horton, “Putting Amazing Back into Grace”

- Warfield, “Counterfeit Miracles”

- Johnson, “Triumph of the Lamb”

- Ames, “Marrow of Theology”

- Kuiper, “Glorious Body of Christ”

- Adams, “Competent to Counsel” and “Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage”

- Berkhof, “Summary of Christian Doctrine”

- Dickens, “A Tale of Two Cities” (It’s probably my favorite of all time, so far.)

- Tolkien, Lewis, Arthur C. Clarke, and Dean Koontz (who is a must for plane trips and campouts). I think Koontz may be a Christian. Some of his writing contains scriptural and theological allusions or direct references which only a Christian would know. Plus, he’s like way-scary (yikes!) without being sick and perverted, and making me lose sleep. I like Michael Crichton, too.

Of particular interest is Wurmbrand’s “Tortured for Christ” available from Voice of the Martyrs. It is a must-read for any Christian. Please remember our brothers and sisters who suffer for the Name of Christ.

Weird Factoids About Me

- I don’t snore and my feet don’t stink. (I know! I can hardly believe it myself!!)

- I have almost no gray hair on my head, but my beard is shot through with it.

- I tend to announce my every move, sometimes even when nobody's around (e.g. In the car: “Here we go!” In the kitchen: “I’m gonna put you [talking to a plate or bowl] in there, and you [talking to the utensils] in there....”).  I’d make a horrible secret agent or ninja; that is, if I were at liberty to hint at being one of those.  And don’t think you can get it out of me.  Do what you will, I WILL NEVER TALK!!  (Well, that’s not true….)

- I play with words to no end. It can be very annoying (e.g. “I've got a young rosemary plant named Rosie. Her name reminds me of Rosie the Riveter. But though my Rosie can hardly be said to have worked in a plant like Rosie the Riveter, my beautiful Rosie is nonetheless a very hardworking and riveting plant. I just think of her as the little swing-shift clipping that could.”).  See what I mean....

- I love bantering. Many of my jokes and comments are setups for friends to playfully tease me while I act like I never saw it coming. Here’s an example: Me to friend: “Do you think it’s possible to be too good-looking to go out in public?” Friend to me: “Well, that is a tough question, and I certainly can see why you’d need to ask somebody about that….”  or  “In your case, no.” See what fun can be had at my expense! However, I must say some friends are able to lovingly mock me without any setup. (I try to never take bantering too far, though. Merciless teasing is a particularly obnoxious thing which I hate.)

Begin Part 2 ("You mean there's more?!") 

Thank you for reading my profile. I know it's taken some effort to just get this far. Up to this point I’ve been serious, though sometimes humorous. However, following is a list of some very important, and mainly serious, perspectives of mine which I hope a potential wife will prayerfully and thoughtfully consider. I have in mind some things I believe are important for a potential wife to know about me. Please do not take them as comprehensive or as if I’m trying to avoid giving anyone a chance to get to know me. For us, complex and wonderful creations that we are, plenty of things remain to talk about. I just happen to think that since I will – Lord willing – eventually be married to a godly, trusting woman and consequently be the servant-leader in that marriage it is only right and courteous if I lay out some important details beforehand. If nothing else, should you continue your search elsewhere, then maybe my comments will stimulate more thought on what to embrace or avoid in a potential spouse.

Please note I spend considerable time describing where I stand ideologically, philosophically, and theologically.  Since I aspire to be an elder someday, I trust that what and even how I’ve written will seem appropriate to that aspiration.  Some here on SGS with whom I would find myself in disagreement over certain issues I still wholeheartedly embrace as fellow saints.  While the following perspectives are important, please note that there are lots of other topics, secondary doctrines, areas of interest, etcetera which I do not discuss because they just don't really rise to the same level or garner much inquiry.  So, if a woman finds herself interested in me - the thought of which greatly humbles me - yet wonders if I have any room for differences in a marriage, then I encourage you to not lose heart.  Unless explicitly stated, I am not asking a woman to attain to the same thinking as me, and even then I am only looking for like-mindedness; that is, an approximation (I certainly don't want a wife to be antagonistic, however).  The beauty of "standing" on a particular point is that arms can reach out and embrace someone nearby.  If I wanted someone to be just like me, then I'd not be reaching out, so to speak.  I'm not endeavoring to marry a mirror image of me.  I'm trying to be courteous and pose the simple question, "Can you lovingly accept me with these perspectives?"  If you are perhaps a bit fuzzy on some of these issues or haven't given them much thought, then by all means talk to me, if you wish.  If you are convinced and set in your mind that you could not abide a marriage where these perspectives are held, then I hold no animosity toward you.  May the Lord bless you and give you the desires of your heart.

For those mulling what marriage to me would be like (again, a very humbling thought for me), I believe it is important to remember I believe the Lord is calling me to be an elder someday.  This is a real, strong hope and aspiration, but it is in no way mere wishful thinking.  I have already been used by my church to fill in for my pastor to lead a couple of the Sunday evening services, several of the men's discipleship group meetings, stand-in for an elder for a class on Calvin's "Institutes" as well as other things of this nature.  I'm looking for someone who feels the Lord might be calling her to join me in this possible calling.  I keep saying “possible” because the Lord may have other notions.  But if the Lord does ordain such a calling… well, I hope you can see where like-mindedness is helpful to this hope.  And please don’t turn away because it appears I'm articulate or intellectual.  (I only bring that up because people do say I'm very smart... though, to be fair, some have called me a first-class idiot.)  I know women are sometimes intellectually bullied by men.  I am not like that.  In most of my daily living, I am quite affable and playful and simple.  I like to talk about serious things with anybody and everybody, so don't think I'm going to say, "Oh, you wouldn't understand.  It's too complicated, etc, etc, etc."  Also, I don’t necessarily want to “talk theology” day-in-day-out.  I believe a man should be able to leave church at church, taking off his hat as elder in the home to be a loving friend and companion to his adored wife.  Also, I don’t believe or expect that a wife of an elder be expected to lead Bible studies, take on all the works of mercy, be a social butterfly, etc.  To my mind, being an elder is not especially glamorous, so there’s no need to get anxious about any fanfare or notoriety.  An elder’s wife is still her own person and has her own Spirit-endowed gifts to cultivate and use.  I would support and encourage that in anybody, but especially in a wife.  So, if you've particularly thought it would be wonderful to become a man’s cherished companion and confidante, and walk beside him in his possible calling as an elder, then give me some thought.  For it is possible – Lord willing – this would be a part of the life path we’d be sharing.

Thanks for your patience. And thank you once again for taking the time to read my profile. I pray God will bless your efforts to find a godly husband.

Here are the perspectives in order:

The Basis for Male Headship and Why It’s Important I Tell You What I Believe

The Lord’s Day – A Day of Worship and Celebration!

Baptism (“Let the children come to me!” – Jesus)

Paedocommunion (or “Jesus versus Jesus”)

Male Headship in the Home

Love for Women in the Church

Homosexual Identity and the Church

Secular Counseling

Having Children

My Sanctification

Racism

Food and Health

Smoking

Alcohol

Pets

The Basis for Male Headship and Why It’s Important I Tell You What I Believe

(Note:  This section presupposes the truth that male headship is based upon the complementary roles of the Father and Son in the Trinity, as well as the kind headship of Christ over his beautiful bride, the church.  I specifically take up the argument as it concerns the ordering of the roles of man and woman at creation.)

Some comments regarding the events in the Garden of Eden should suffice to capture the drift of my thinking here and why I believe everything else I will discuss is important to a potential wife. Put another way, this first section is a commentary on my further comments.

With that said, consider this question:  was it not one of Adam’s particular obligations to protect his bride and posterity from lies and death?  At Genesis 2:15 we hear these words:  "The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it."  The Hebrew at Gen 2:15 for “to keep” means “to guard [from enemies]” and, collectively, the Hebrew words which make up the entire phrase “to work it and to guard it” connote priestly activity. (See Num 1:50,53; 3:8 for other occurrences of the phrase.)  So, if it was Adam’s obligation to protect the Garden and, hence, his wife (for certainly she was at the apex of what was to be protected within the Garden, and was as his own flesh), then toward that end my thoughts and beliefs and how they will affect my attitudes, words, and actions should matter very much to a potential wife of mine.  Now, be careful:  I am not asserting a priestly role for husbands.  But what I am saying is that much of what was required of Adam, and performed by Christ, is what Christian men are to do for their wives even now. And it centers around truth primarily, and actions secondarily, mainly because the latter flows from the former. Those who decry doctrinal integrity and denigrate willingness to fight for truth – and thus unavoidably erode male headship – should consider Adam’s failure to assert his authority and assume a protective stance regarding his wife’s safety. That turned out real well for Eve, wouldn’t you say! God had promised death for disobedience, and the serpent was pouring himself into getting Eve killed by eating the fruit. He got her to do it, to succumb to his murderous plan through the consumption of his lies. And Adam stood by doing nothing while his wife’s life was being torn away from her.  He let her be murdered by Satan.  Tragically, since that time nothing has changed. Satan is still, as Jesus tells us, the “murderer from the beginning, the Father of Lies” (Jhn 8:44). The battle for our very souls is pitched with truth and life on one side and lies and murder on the other.

Taking another tack, consider that even a casual reading of John’s letters reveals in bold relief that truth and love cannot exist separately; that is, to scorn doctrinal integrity is tantamount to repudiating love. So, it is back to the Garden one must go to start over, to succeed where Adam failed. But this time Christ, the Second/Last Adam (cf Rom 5:14; 1 Cor 15:45) who is Truth and who will not fail to fight, gives his bride – the church, the new mother of all the living – his very life to keep her safe. He also gives her his words of truth as a weapon which continue to protect her utterly and conveys his heart and mind reassuringly. His word serves to continually keep her safe by eclipsing lies offered sweetly by hateful and murderous would-be masters elsewhere. Adam failed to give himself wholly to the task of loving and protecting his bride. But Jesus did not fail. For men like me, Ephesians 5 suggests I would do well by my bride to do the same as Jesus. That is my calling as a husband; not that I do my wife’s thinking for her, but that I keep God’s word in the gospel central to the home. I must as Christ has done give my heart to truth as it is found in God’s word, cherishing the life he imparts and giving my life in joyful service to my bride. Thus, I do not want to deprive a potential spouse of a clear look at my beliefs, for they will govern what I think, say, and do in the marriage. It is best to find these things out now. So, thank you for your patience in hearing my words. I hope you find them reassuring.

The Lord’s Day – A Day of Worship and Celebration!

The day Jesus rose from the dead and “rested” from his labors of bringing forth a “new creation” marks the transition of the appointed day of rest from the seventh to the first. The church’s understanding of this transition was not arrived at by a post-apostolic council or by the Roman church centuries later. The transition itself resists contrivance by a later party for it is marked by God’s very own activity in Christ just one day after that final Passover meal – where Christ’s crucifixion fulfills that OT shadow; and just one day after that final Jewish Sabbath – where Jesus’ resurrection marks his rest from his labors. The Passover and its subordinate feasts, of course, prefigured our Paschal Lamb and thus passed away upon his once for all sacrifice averting the angel of death’s visitation upon his people, his resurrection securing their righteousness and glorification before God, and his sustenance of them in their escape from the kingdom of darkness, sin, and slavery.

When one notes that Christ is the Creator, along with the Father and the Holy Spirit, it should not surprise us that the Bible has the people of the New Testament church assembling for worship and rest, as well as other ecclesiastical activities, on the day Jesus rose from the dead and rested from his creative labors. That day was the first day of the week. The NT scriptures refer to this day as the Lord’s Day, and it is a weekly event (not to be confused with the Day of the Lord, a single eschatological event when Christ will come in judgment at the end of time). So, besides the foregoing, what leads us to believe that if Jesus rested from his creative labors that we should assign the same significance to it as we do to the OT Sabbath when God rested from his labors? Why do we say the Sabbath was transferred rather than abolished? Jesus is our Sabbath, right? Well, we already know Jesus is God. But beyond that, what else tells us the new Sabbath is Sunday? Consider that the use of the Greek word “kyrios” for “Lord” in the NT is, conscientiously and conspicuously, the same Greek word for “LORD” in the Greek Old Testament. This, the Septuagint, was the Bible of Jesus’ time. In our Bibles, the word “LORD” is the English for the Hebrew “YHWH” (“Yahweh” is the anglicized rendering). It means God, but not in the generic sense. It refers to the One and Only, the Living and True God who revealed himself as the Self-Existent One, the “I AM” – the personal Redeemer God who is in covenant with Israel. Remember when Jesus said he was the Lord of the Sabbath and that he was doing what his Father was doing? What his Father had been doing basically was the compassionate work of sustaining all things! So, if Jesus is God, then he is also the Sustainer of all things (cf Jhn 1:1-3; 5:16-18ff; Col 1:17; Heb 1:2,3). And, if Jesus is the Creator and Sustainer who does new creating, then he is surely free to mark another day upon which he ceases from these new labors and undertakes new sustaining. Well, what new thing did he create and henceforth sustains? It is the church constituted under the New Covenant in his blood (cf Act 20:28b; Eph 2:14,15).

So, for the apostolic church to call the first day of the week, when they assembled for worship and such, the “Lord’s Day” was the equivalent of calling that day “God’s Day.” For Jewish Christians to do this was as scandalous as Christ calling himself God’s Son or saying that “before Abraham was, I am.” These New Testament Christians, who knew their Old Testament Bibles well, would not observe the Sabbath on Sunday ill-advisedly, for unconverted Jews would kill them for such a “blasphemy.” Therefore, they must have understood the Lord’s Day, the day Jesus rose from the dead, to be genuine Sabbath observance. This is the best way to explain their joyful commitment to it in the face of likely persecution.

But Jesus is our Sabbath Rest, one might insist. That is true. And what a wonderful truth it is! However, because the church is still militant, so to speak, and is absolutely triumphant ideally and potentially only – utter certainty notwithstanding – there remains a need for us to assemble and hear our Captain speak to us. (I don’t use the term “militant” regarding the church’s journey through the wilderness of this hostile world to heaven to indicate social or political activism.) The Letter to the Hebrews holds these tensions remarkably well and is also held out to us; we who are prone to legalistic holdings of the Sabbath or who are prone to cast it off as being already fulfilled in every sense. Again, its ultimate fulfillment is in Christ, that is true, but we are still here. The Bible says God has put eternity in our hearts (Ecc 3:11). Just looking at the human condition and its exhaustion and despair it makes perfect sense that we look everywhere for relief, for rest. This “eternity in our hearts” should drive us to God, but we turn from him, instead looking elsewhere for refuge to no avail because nothing here will ever satisfy. So, yes, Christ is our rest. But, I ask you, has eternity come, yet? The answer is clear: it has not. Even we, the blessed New Testament church, live in an age of promises and types and shadows. The Substance (i.e. Christ) of earlier promises and types and shadows has come, but the consummation of all things has not. The resurrection was neither the only nor final particular event of Christ’s first coming. We have to keep in mind that Christ’s first coming is comprised of several significant aspects or events; that is, his incarnation, his sinless life, his atoning and substitutionary death, his vindicating resurrection, and his ascension. In fact, to properly understand why we continue to observe the (now Christian) Sabbath, one must not only keep in view every facet of his first coming but also continue to look at Christ’s ascension to heaven, his current rule and reign there, and then ultimately to his return… his second coming. For it is “there and then” that our rest in him will be fully realized, not before. You see, there is an “already” and a “not yet” to our Sabbath rest in Christ even now. The church has understood this as being the teaching of the Bible, and experience bears this out in our joy… and our pain. It is why his beloved cry out desperately, “Come, Lord!”

Practically speaking, the Lord’s Day is to be spent with God’s people wherever possible. It is the day where we anticipate being in heaven with God and the rest of his blood-bought saints. Thus, on Sunday we worship faithfully, joyfully, and reverently in response to his summons. We give him praise and seek his blessings, guidance, and strength. We come to have our faith, hope, and love renewed. We then go forth and love the brethren, celebrating the goodness of our God in Christ who promises to come for us someday.

So, what does that look like? Well, it’s not spending Sunday in the mall or on worldly entertainments. It is not warming a pew in church and then running out the door to do our own thing. It is first and foremost a day spent in devotion to God and in community with his people, members of the church. Remember, it is to be a day of anticipating heaven. It may also be a day of attending to acts of necessity and of mercy, but those are exceptions to the rule of spending time with God and his people. Formal worship and fellowship with the saints are the venues par excellence through which God is pleased to pour out blessings which compose the “rest” we vitally need in these bodies, with these minds, on this side of heaven.

On a personal note, let me say that sometimes my church has a picnic on Sunday. We play Frisbee, soccer, football. Even the kids and girls play… our men are both strong and gentle. On the field of play, it is amazing to see how we make sure the children get involved. For instance, if we play football, we somehow manage to get perhaps twenty people of all ages – boys and girls – on each side. We may look like a herd of cats caught in a downpour, but it makes the heart sing to see the love and the inclusiveness. We barbecue. And there’s usually a water fight!

When we fellowship on other Lord’s Days, some may have a glass of wine, a beer, or even a spirit after dinner. We will sometimes sing hymns after dinner or as the Day’s fellowship draws to a close. The kids run and play, or read, or just follow an adult around asking a thousand questions. We tell new jokes and retell old ones. We praise cooking and share recipes and ask for help with crocheting. We sometimes fall asleep on someone’s couch after a big dinner and someone then slips our shoes off and covers us with a blanket. We cry over wayward family and lost jobs. We try, once again, to remember all the names of the children in the larger families. We let people love us, as imperfect as we are, with Christ’s and their love when perhaps just the day before we were convinced nobody loved us or ever could. In all of this we make ourselves available to love and forgive, to encourage and praise. As well – and please don’t miss this fact – we make ourselves available to receive the same. Worldliness on the one hand and legalism on the other are fatal; but so, too, are persistent loneliness and proud isolation.

Now, depending on who is asked, I might be alternately described as a Sabbatarian or an anti-Sabbatarian. I only say that the Bible indicates the fourth commandment is still in effect. With this, I want to keep in mind the increase in grace with the coming of the New Covenant in Christ. That may seem inconsistent, to say the fourth commandment is still in effect, but then to add that grace must inform my thinking on the matter. I think any apparent inconsistencies are just that: appearances. However, let me point out that strict Sabbatarians do themselves appear inconsistent. For instance, when was the last time they stoned somebody for gathering wood on the Sabbath? Should they be stoned for not stoning a Sabbath violator? I know of Christians who would not invite a pastor filling their pulpit into their homes for fellowship and sustenance for his journey home because they would be violating the command, as they viewed it, to cease from any labors and to remain in steadfast prayer and contemplation of God on the Lord’s Day. Is that what Jesus, the Lord of the Sabbath, had in mind? I doubt it very much.

I know that the liberties some Christians take with the Lord’s Day – and all in the name of grace, to hear them tell it – is a serious problem theologically, ecclesiastically, and practically. I can scarcely consider some as belonging to the Lord, given the worldly things they do on his Day. However, the remedy for such problems is not to overreact and make the Lord’s Day a burden nobody can carry. The remedy is to read the whole Bible and hear how God speaks in grace and kindness to his people regarding the commands he requires them to obey. Furthermore, we cannot drive sin out of our hearts and church just by clamping down on everything which seems to have a loose end. This is a problem to which many Sabbatarians seem to have succumbed. In any case, where would such an endeavor stop?

I understand this is a difficult area to navigate, I really do. I struggled with it at one time. However, concerning this difficult doctrine, I can say that by God’s grace it appears I’ve come to rest where I believe God intends me to be. And so let me end this section by saying how important it is that a potential spouse be willing to embrace something very near this modest description of how I believe the Bible would have us celebrate the Lord’s Day. I am convinced my sanctification is bolstered immensely by the aforementioned belief and observance of the Lord’s Day. My view and practice maintain a high view of the Lord’s Day, and are consistent with the implanted impulse within God’s people to assemble, worship our great and merciful God, and anticipate heaven together. I pray a potential wife will share in these convictions, walking side-by-side with me – and the Lord’s other children – on our way home to our God. Please feel free to talk with me more about this very important Christian duty. I am very happy to discuss it further.

Baptism (“Let the children come to me!” – Jesus)

I am a firm-but-friendly covenant baptist, a convenient term variously applied to infant (paedo) and household (oikos) baptism as well as to believers (credo) baptism. In Reformed circles, such a position is usually always implied by the term “Reformed.” I, along with my believers-only baptist brethren, indicated by the term “Reformed Baptist,” do believe that all the regenerate – in accordance with a credible profession of faith – must be baptized. What differentiates us, however, is that I believe not just professing believers must be baptized, but also all those who are children of at least one parent who is a covenant member. This is the belief and practice of Presbyterians (which I am), Lutherans, Anglicans, etc. This has been the practice of Christians from the apostolic church all the way to the Reformers and beyond to this day. Biblically, it is done according to the structure instituted by God in the covenant with Abraham. The signs are different from the Abrahamic to the New Covenant (circumcision vs. baptism), but the structure as well as the signified external and internal realities are the same in both the OT and NT dispensations. It is significant to note that the Abrahamic Covenant is still in effect, and that all partakers of the New Covenant share in the Abrahamic Covenant.

Some may say that circumcision is done away with because it was a covenant sign identified solely with national Israel under the Mosaic Covenant. Though I don’t agree the Bible teaches that, it would not matter anyway. Note that we covenant baptists do not bring the Mosaic Covenant into our discussions of circumcision and baptism. Why? Well, the Mosaic covenant had nothing to do with the inception of circumcision as a covenant sign/seal and to whom it was administered. The Mosaic covenant only codified it for national Israel 400 years later, and was only able to do so because the Abrahamic Covenant was being administered over and continued through the Mosaic. When God was done with the Mosaic Covenant, he continued the Abrahamic. This is a major, compelling argument prominently arrayed in the NT books of Romans, Galatians, and Hebrews.

Now, however, baptism and not circumcision is the covenant sign/seal for the NT church, the family of God as created by Christ who is the long-awaited Promised Seed of Abraham. Clearly, the Abrahamic Covenant is fulfilled in and carried forward by Christ. But, again, for circumcision to be a specific sign related exclusively to OT Israel, wouldn’t it stand to reason that Abraham would have to have been an Israelite under the Mosaic covenant? But Abraham was a Chaldean, not an Israelite. Abraham lived and was the recipient of that covenant and its sign long before Israel and the Mosaic Covenant even existed. And why does the NT give so much credence to the promises of God made to Abraham, and at the same time moves the church to abandon the Mosaic Covenant? This is because the Abrahamic Covenant was before, stands above, is superior to and outlives – by God’s immeasurable and glorious grace – the Mosaic Covenant. In fact, the New Covenant is a manifold and glorious extension and fulfillment of the Abrahamic Covenant (see Galatians 3:6-17ff).

It is of utmost importance to note that, for covenant baptists such as me, both circumcision and baptism are signs which represent BOTH an internal and external reality or ONLY an external reality for the one receiving the sign; that is, it signifies an external reality alone or both an external and internal reality together. For believers-only baptists, the sign of baptism is ONLY representative of a COMBINED external and internal reality; that is, these two realities are inseparable and baptism is only administered when the two are simultaneous. Put another way, we covenant baptists do not attempt to say that each baptized person is already or merely by the performance of a ritual mystically joined to Christ. It may very well be the case, for instance, that an infant is already regenerate when baptized, but because the infant can’t articulate a valid profession of faith (the very first fruit of being regenerate) his baptism may only be said to indicate God’s initiative in bringing the child formally into the covenant community and blessing him with proximity to the gospel and subsequently calling that child to later profess a vital faith in Christ. The child is set apart and called to faith. It is this sealing and setting apart unto God which is the fundamental and overarching purpose of baptism. Inner cleansing (i.e. regeneration) is a secondary referent of the sign. This follows the same dynamic as circumcision under the Abrahamic Covenant. Unfortunately, because a believers-only baptist is inclined to view baptism as particularly representative of an inner reality, he may believe we covenant baptists are of the mind that everyone we baptize is already born again. That is not our thinking. Again, we do believe some children may be regenerate from the womb, but baptism for those of the youngest ages does not attempt to convey this idea. We still preach the gospel and move our children to embrace Christ volitionally and, as they are able and when it appears they understand and own their need of Christ, to then profess that faith publicly. In all this, it must be remembered that baptism remains first and foremost a sign of an external reality – that of belonging to God’s visible church, and yet holds out the reality to which the covenant aims to bring the infant recipient of the sign and seal – that of belonging to God’s invisible church. (For knowledgeable and articulate non-members being brought into the family of God, who have not previously been baptized, such a ritual is done subsequent to a valid profession of faith only.)

Because baptism is also an induction ritual associated with Christ’s government of the church through the elders and is administered as a result of decisions made about who is to be a member, it should be noted that we covenant baptists believe God initiates covenant commitments with children directly as well as through their parents, and in this way determines the composition of Christ’s visible church. Thus, baptism is the sign for God’s activity in this regard, as well. Set against this understanding, believers-only baptists do not hold that formal covenant initiation toward children is undertaken by God anymore, but that the parents – if they be professing believers – are the only ones in covenant with God. They say that God might have considered unprofessing children as covenant members during the OT dispensation, but that only professing members are accepted by God into his visible family now. They believe that in the NT dispensation – ironically, under the gospel of grace – that God has become more restrictive in who may be formally considered a member of Christ’s church. We, on the other hand, cannot fathom – given the persistence of the Abrahamic Covenant, the obsolescence of the Mosaic, and the ushering in of the New Covenant – that grace would be diminished and the children Jesus at one moment held in his arms are now unceremoniously put down the next. We believe covenant baptism continues the grace of God across both dispensations and is seen in covenant baptism, the ceremony signifying Jesus gathering those little ones lovingly into his arms as he always has and always will. Furthermore, regarding the children, our understanding of baptism is intensely evangelistic. Most people don’t realize that. We, by the Bible’s authority, continue a practice which erects a structure of blessing over the child within which calls to faith in Christ are made. Any of us would love to give an unconverted and unevangelized friend a Bible and sermons and books and a front row seat in church in order lead them to Christ. God in and through covenant baptism richly gives these to our children. We do well to say that God has loved them and given them great advantages by providing them a church wherein they may hear the gospel and, by trusting personally in Christ, avoid the coming wrath, henceforward to live forever in the light of his love. We really can’t apologize for that understanding. One may note that these are significant differences, indeed, and understand why being of like minds on this doctrine and practice is important for a husband and wife.

Though I am a covenant baptist, I don’t believe it is biblical to only allow church membership to those who hold to this same position. My church, an OPC church, has both types of baptists as members in good standing, doing many different kinds of service. I was a believers-only baptist in the past and I wasn’t out to do anything but uphold God’s word as it seemed to me. Would I now turn and say the likes of Charles Spurgeon or Alistair Begg or Albert Mohler, Jr. could not be my brothers? God forbid! But even so, I now have a firm conviction about the position stated above. Therefore, changing my view back to believers-only baptism is really not at all probable. Since I may be an elder someday in a church which holds to this view, it is important that a potential spouse be like-minded, especially if there might be children in the marriage. Now, I’m not saying that such like-mindedness has to be accompanied by a scholarly articulation of covenant baptism. I am aware of some in my own church who are barely able to propound the differences between the two camps! I suggest that unless a potential wife is staunchly a believers-only baptist, then we should talk about it. As well, if there are no children in the marriage, then it may be somewhat less of an issue.  Please ask me any questions about this important issue. I am very willing to discuss it further.

Finally, I believe baptism and professions of faith must be done in the name of our Triune God: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. It is sad, but because of the many “Christs” which people seem to concoct daily it is essential that Trinitarian understanding be upheld because it is the highest article of our faith and even a fair understanding of and faithful belief in the Trinity is an excellent indicator of a right understanding of the Jesus of scripture. Also, this God – a Unity in Trinity – is the one who seals us and our children unto himself; thus, his name matters.

Paedocommunion (or “Jesus versus Jesus”)

Jesus said to let the children come to him (see previous section), and Paul said that a person who partakes of the Lord’s Supper should examine himself and rightly discern the body and the blood lest that person eat and drink judgment (e.g. sickness and death) upon himself (see 1 Corinthians 11). It is obvious that the two ideas can present a conflict. Well, who’s right? What is the best course? The first things we should want to consider are the persons: Jesus and Paul. Jesus is God, Paul is not. Jesus said he was the way, the truth and the life. Paul said he was chief of sinners. Jesus said he would be lifted up, draw all men to himself, and that all who looked to him would be saved. Paul strenuously deferred to Jesus, rebuking any who would depend on him, or Peter, or Apollos. Jesus saves people from the wrath to come. Paul and the others had to be saved from it. I believe it is how one answers these fundamental questions about authority that leads to a proper understanding of the Bible’s teaching on whether unprofessing children and infants should be admitted to or barred from the Lord’s Table (and make no mistake, it is Jesus who spreads the table in the wilderness of our pilgrimage). It is in answering these questions about authority that many go astray and bring great harm to children and bring God’s displeasure upon the church. Let me explain.

I have often noted sadly and to the detriment of many how Jesus is honored at the expense of Paul. Now, you may be rocked back by that statement, especially after the comparisons and contrasts just made. But I phrase it this way because I need your attention. We decry liberal theology, as we should, but then fall into the same dynamic. When Paul talks about doctrines we don’t like, we like to cry “Foul!” We imagine Jesus to be a social activist – or something else similarly ridiculous and limited – who wants everyone to follow their bliss, and Paul a chauvinist who wants people, especially women, in bondage. But nothing could be further from the truth. Jesus is not about to hear our cry about Paul like some upper management-type who will set our immediate supervisor straight for us. Paul, though a sinner, wrote nothing less authoritative than anything else in scripture, and that includes the recorded words of Jesus.

So, when we consider the words of Jesus and Paul, unless scripture explicitly tells us otherwise, we must treat those teachings as coming from the same Christ. The gospels and the letters were written by men as moved by the Spirit of Christ, who is the Spirit of Prophecy. So, yes – of course, Paul is absolutely correct at 1 Corinthians when he chides us for dividing Christ; it will always be true that we follow Jesus, not Paul or Peter or Apollos. But, again, let us remember that the gospel Paul received was directly from the glorified Christ. No person in all of history enjoyed or will enjoy that kind of revelation. Therefore, the conflict between the above cited statements of Christ and of Paul is an illusion. The solution to the problems follows shortly.

First, however, it is not biblical to somehow suggest that Paul (at 1 Corinthians 11) is rebuking members of the church who are capable of discernment due to natural age and minimally sophisticated reasoning, and since children do not have such sophistication or because they are "innocent" that they are thus not in view.  Does it not seem likely that a bit of the semi-Pelagian “age of accountability” has crept into the ranks of some of our congregations regarding the question of discernment and paedocommunion?  At any rate, I cannot discern that Paul had any such thing in mind. He could only be referring to errant but professing members who had come to understand the gospel, felt its exposure of their utter desolation in the face of a holy God’s righteous demands, and come to know that same God’s gracious provision of their salvation in Christ. In short, Paul seems to hold that any and all who come to the Table are to be both capable of discernment and come in a worthy manner.  It is this first requirement, discernment, which unprofessing children and infants (actually, any and all unprofessing people of any status) either do not have or are not able to articulate. And if words mean anything, then to allow any persons to the Lord’s Table who cannot make such a profession constitutes unworthiness and is therefore dangerous.  "Well,” one might ask, “what about using a mediator to get the child to the Mediator?  You know, a proxy."  That won't work.  The parents cannot stand in for the child, for the Supper is deeply evangelical; that is, it is for born again followers of Christ. It is significant that Paul talks of individuals examining themselves. How can a parent or anyone do that for another?  Generational covenant status (i.e. being born into the church) won’t provide the credentials, either, for "not all who are of Israel, are Israel."  (Rom 9:6)

Now, one may take the tack that household covenant structures apply or that as Adam and Abraham were the priests over their families just so should husbands and fathers provide the authority to have the Supper administered to their children, whether at home or in the church. I can understand this wish, but it is contrary to the current will of God regarding the structure and administration of the New Covenant church. As well, and this is clear from even a casual reading of the New Testament but especially Paul’s letters to Timothy and Titus, the Bible never gives such authority to husbands/fathers. The problem mentioned here is really not very much different than a female pastor preaching the gospel comfortably because her husband has given her permission and is always present. It treats the husband as a vicar, someone assuming authority never granted by Christ. But this is the same dynamic where we see husbands/fathers authorizing administration of the Lord’s Supper to their unprofessing children. The church was given this sacrament, not the family per se.  Surely, there is only one church throughout all of history; we are not dispensationalists. But this one church ceased to be a household church, even explicitly as in the case of God’s people from Abraham to Moses, a very long time ago. God makes the rules, not mere men. Jesus knows how to run his church and has given in the New Testament very clear instructions about how to administer his Supper. And all of the New Testament scriptures are equally valid. Else we pit Jesus against Jesus in preferring some scriptures over against others.

So, that brings us to Christ’s words about the children. Since there can’t be a conflict between Christ and Paul (it’s all the gospel of Christ in any case), and if we can’t conclude that Paul chides only people of the age of accountability, then we have to ask what we believe Christ meant when he said to let the children come to him. Well, it is true that Christ presides over the Supper, but did he mean that children are to come to him there? No, for that would be contradictory to what Paul taught about an individual discerning the body and the blood and examining himself, something only regenerate people can do and which only articulate people can profess. As well, it is something they must do for themselves. Remember, Paul had the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Jesus; hence, there is no possibility of contradiction between Jesus and Paul. So, the most probable understanding – in fact, the one held to throughout New Testament church history – is that Christ’s words rather simply tell us that children are covenant members in the visible church. This fits with how the Bible treats households throughout Old and New Testament church structures and administrations, and fits with what Christ said through Paul: that children are holy unto the Lord if they have one believing parent. This, I believe, is the proper understanding of Jesus’ words and, as such, no warrant is found allowing unprofessing children to partake of the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper. I will not belabor the point just arrived at, for I touch on that in the previous section, “Baptism.”

It is important I be kind and gentle to all who read this section on paedocommunion. However, scripture and conscience, as well as the serious consequences of wrongfully administering the Lord’s Supper, lead me to say I am firmly convinced the practice is unscriptural and worthy of vigorous censure.  I encourage any of my paedocommunionist brothers and sisters to reconsider their position.  I understand there is a very high view of the covenant and of children held by such persons, and that there is no conscious attempt to undermine scripture, profane the sacrament, and harm the children.  Yet, it still remains that despite stated good intentions it is nonetheless dangerous for children and presumptuous of churches and families to engage in paedocommunion given the available contrary biblical testimony on the matter.  Please drop me a note if you'd like to discuss this further.  Blessings to you.

Male Headship in the Home

I am not a "King in his castle" sort of guy.  I am a "King in his Queen’s castle" sort of guy.  Read Proverbs 31 very carefully. The wife is highly honored by her husband – to the point of awe and public praise! She runs the home day-to-day.  It's her province.  So, because it's unbiblical and runs contrary to my own thinking, I will not be a master-husband over a slave-wife in a marriage.  I will be a companion who, walking side by side with a wife, will love and lead his adored and strong "weaker vessel" (1 Peter 3:7,8).  In only the most difficult and significant decisions where there is disagreement would I request submission to my judgment (oh, how I pray I would be wise). I would not do this lightly because I know it could make a wife feel dismissed, overlooked, and unloved no matter how carefully approached and unintended such hurt would be. Those are painful feelings. But I’m sure it is true of other marriages what R.C. Sproul says about his own: he and his wife have only ever gotten to that point once or twice in over 30 years where, in a disagreement, he requested she submit to his decision. As a matter of course, I fully expect to include a wife in every decision. I would expect if we are relying on Christ, humbly loving and forgiving each other, and making use of the means of grace our Lord provides for our sanctification then things would not be overly difficult in this area. I believe we'd not have the demeaning power struggles that plague other marriages.

It is my sincere conviction that living according to God’s design of admired-male servant-headship over and complementary to an adored-female companion-friend leads to a liberating marriage and home. It is paradoxical, to be sure. But it is no less problematic than how Christ asks us to die in order to live. The key is in the male’s submission to Christ and to the gospel. Is he motivated by a principle, a real inner impulse, to live lovingly and sacrificially? He must set the tone. Consider that when proper boundaries and roles regarding marriage and the home are put in place by God and we rebel, we are found to be outside the safe harbor of his grace. But by humbly submitting to his will, we remain secure in his pleasure and find ourselves confident that no harm can come to us. Imagine a sensible child who is anxious about wandering too far from his father, especially if there’s nothing to separate him from the dark tree line just a stone’s throw away. Now, put up a good sturdy fence and keep a watchful eye. How different things become! For there you have a child unburdened of care and who is, in a word, free. Free to laugh and jump in the light his father’s protection, both in the father’s person and in his provision of the fence. Just so do freedom and a light heart find a place in a home where the man unobtrusively leads the home in strength, truth, and love. “Well, this is quite fine talk. Just wait till the rubber meets the road!” one might say. I realize there are tough times to be had in a marriage by even the most mature saints. For myself, I'm obviously still a sinner, opinionated and ignorant enough to be exasperating at times.  I am not above a good talking-to by a wife who knows me and wants what’s best for me. I know I need honest and kind words even now; I certainly will need many more in a marriage!

Love for Women in the Church

I am a biblical feminist, which means I am opposed to men’s abdication of their responsibility to lead in the church as well as the home. Taking a sledgehammer (cultural feminism) and using it to pound round pegs (women) into square holes (church offices of elder and deacon) is just plain bad for the pegs and the board. Tragically, it is the unscriptural, cultural feminism – the sledgehammer – which survives and is exalted while the women we are supposed to love and protect, along with the church Christ entrusted to faithful men, lie in splinters underfoot. It’s not that I believe a woman isn’t as smart as a man or doesn’t have any talents or gifts. That’s not the case at all. It is merely the will of God as revealed in scripture that men are to be the elders and deacons in the church. To teach and do otherwise is to set oneself squarely against scripture. There are certain extraordinary exceptions (such as lack of men!) which call for women to fill the gaps, but that’s not what we are facing today. No, wait. Forgive me. I take that back. We do lack men: men who really believe the Bible and will courageously and humbly submit to what God has told them to do.

There are those doomsayers who want us to fear that every male who is committed to leading is an oppressor, or that every woman who wants to serve is a usurper. This obviously does happen. That’s why we have church discipline. But, getting back to the scriptures, we should find ourselves moved to drop the harmful rhetoric on each side and just acknowledge that God made the rules, not us. Men, we have no excuse. If we love our women, we will do our jobs. And the first and most important job is to ensure the gospel - the entire counsel of God - forms the center of our homes. Then once God’s word is raised to a place of prominence there we will find ourselves really believing it and applying it to the church. This is where the home’s support and application of the scriptures strengthens the church’s support and application of the scriptures. Believe me; your pastors will be ecstatic!

A vital church will have a wide array of ministry and service opportunities for both genders utilizing both natural talents and Spirit-endowed gifts – which all the regenerate possess and should be exuberantly encouraged to cultivate and employ. And the ways which we serve are not always subject to prediction, but are nonetheless always joyful. Take me: I believe and feel I am called to serve as an elder one day, but I’m also the go-to guy for taking out the trash at our monthly fellowship meal. A woman might excel in running a home and what not, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be theologically astute and teach Sunday school. There is much to do and God blesses our meager efforts, when done His way. Regarding natural and spiritual gifts of service, what we all must do is fight the temptation to make a big “splash” with those talents and gifts. People who have the most discernible and obvious impact are usually always held to the highest – and strictest – levels of accountability. It’s not a luxurious spot to be in. It is a grave responsibility.

I can hear somebody say, “I believe women are equals regarding the offices of church leadership, but they should submit at home.” I ask, “How can one support such an unbiblical tectonic shift in the roles of men and women in the higher institution of the church, which should have our firm allegiance since it is the body of Christ, but remain committed to a biblical role of men and women in the much lower institution of the marriage?” No, the suggestion is untenable. For any right-minded person will see the logic of a perceived “freedom and grace” in the higher institution and begin to wonder why it should not be the same in the lower. It is for this plain, simple reason that I cannot marry a woman who does not support both the Bible’s teaching that men only are to hold church offices of elder and deacon, and that men are to be the head of the household.

Let me add one last thing: I am passionately and vocally opposed to male headship being used as an excuse to constantly bear down on and dispirit women and girls. One might jerk a leash to reign in an adolescent dog, but to arbitrarily (or systematically) and aggressively assert authority over females in order to keep them off balance and mindful of “who’s in charge”... that’s abominable. Why would any man who’s been given the precious blessing of a wife and daughter(s) conscientiously undertake to crush and cow them just to prove he has the power? Lord, help us to love our women rightly!

Homosexual Identity and the Church

I have past experience as a counselor and as a participant in various 12-step groups. I have been privy to things which no person should have to even contemplate. My heart grieves for the brokenness of souls which results in sexual sin, abortion, and betrayal. Are such sin and wickedness? Yes. But they mark a wailing, lost, and victim-ridden landscape of sinners made in the image of God. You need to know I have a heart for the sexually sick and sinful before you read the rest of this section.

In upholding truth, certain lines must be drawn. Sometimes it seems as if a door is shut on the sinner, but that isn’t always the case. Sometimes the door is actually only shut on the untruths the sinner tells himself and which he thinks – and perhaps which his church supports – he needs to be “okay.” I feel this tension and yet must take a stand on the side of truth, both biblical and sensible.

So, again, there are very needy and hurting people out there, especially those who engage in homosexual sin, who need Christ and his restorative power. However, I am also mindful of the “homosexual agenda” which is not a mythical creature lurking in the foggy depths of radio talk show hosts’ paranoid minds, though many other mythical creatures surely do. I once was a liberal atheist in full support of anything which tore at the fabric of Christ’s church and God’s demands upon the conscience. I am not throwing stones over a wall when I say the homosexual agenda is a real force which will not stop until marriage and family itself are thrown down. And I’m not urging caution against a pimply-faced adolescent who doesn’t know his way around a church bulletin. I’m thinking of educated, sophisticated persons who are astute propagators of their doctrines. They look like us and call on God as their witness. It is these I hold my ground against.

Currently, there is in many churches a product of the nature vs. nurture debate (with a nod to naturalism), and a sentimentality coupled with the wish for acceptance by the wider culture that has led to a compromise and dangerous dilution of the gospel offered to those persons mired in homosexual sin. It is the uncritical allowance of homosexual identity per se. It is the idea that a person may embrace or even continue to think of themselves as a homosexual just so long as they don’t act out on it. However, when the rightly sympathetic and compassionate thoughts we have for the sin-ravaged homosexual meet terms like “They’re born that way” or that he/she is a “homosexual Christian” or “Christian homosexual” and these same terms are then set alongside “female Christian” or “Asian Christian” or “Christian African” or “single Christian” we cross over into an area of legitimization which the Bible does not support. Why? Because there is no original Hebrew or Greek word for “homosexual” as we use the term in our English language. The best that can be said is that the Bible simply means to tell us of certain persons whose heterosexuality is so broken that all they want to do is have sex with the same gender. The Bible refuses to legitimize homosexuality with a term comparable to anything like a morally indifferent identity. For instance, it is not ever going to be a sin to be a woman, a man, an African, a shopkeeper, an athlete. But the Bible is so serious about homosexuality’s illegitimacy and depravity that it refuses to provide us with a similar persona as found in the term “homosexual” as used today. This is no mere word game, for that group of sinners committed and in bondage to homosexual sin (i.e. the “homosexual community”) is going to seek and attain protected group status along with blacks, women, children, the elderly, Jews, the handicapped, etc. To allow ours churches to succumb to this clever shift in societal thinking is no different than allowing ourselves to believe there are Buddhist Christians, Islamic Christians, Christian atheists, Christian adulterers, drug-dealing Christians, Christian thieves, etc.

In Christ, there really are not to be labels. But if there are, they are morally indifferent (Gal 3:28; Act 6:1). But for the homosexual label, it can’t be morally indifferent. The teaching of scripture is that to merely be homosexual is a sin because no person can be something without a cognitive structure supporting the assertion. To have that support structure, one has to believe the assertion is valid and worthy of being a truth claim. The Bible would condemn this rationale.

Furthermore, we compromise the help available to those suffering the weight of homosexual sin if we fail to convey that the bare identity is itself a form of bondage. They may feel only attracted to the same gender, but that doesn’t make them in persona a homosexual. The truth is they are heterosexuals with a severe distortion of their sexuality manifesting varying degrees of desire for the same gender. Likewise, a thief, a glutton, an adulterer, and a murderer all share the same dynamic. They manifest distortions of legitimate aspects of their humanity such as needs for material security, food, emotional and sexual intimacy, anger and indignation. Also, it is important to note that what they are labeled and what they do are companions. Once the stealing, gluttonizing, adultery, murder stop because of coming to Christ, the labels also depart. What then enters in is an expectation that such persons must pursue in the Holy Spirit’s power the fulfillment and satisfaction of those needs, to the glory of God, in their proper and righteous forms. So, the Christian must get his material needs met legally, eat with restraint, cultivate intimacy in heterosexual marriage only, and express anger and indignation in healthy ways. Just so, if the Christian wants to be sexual, his only course is to pursue it as a heterosexual regardless of his past behaviors and identifications. The beauty of such a challenge is that in Christ and by his Spirit there is forgiveness and restoration! But how can a person hope to ever be healed of this corruption if his very church tells him he’s born that way and he needs to just not act out on it?

Now, there may possibly be innate physiological influences which effect desires for the same gender, but it is not to be embraced warmly or resignedly as the world would have us do. It is to be treated as a sickness for which only the radical nature of the gospel can heal; maybe in this life, but surely in the next. However, if God doesn’t make a person’s sexuality all clean and neat and tidy in this life (whose is?!), then he has good and wise reasons for it. But it is still incumbent upon us to fight the very identity of sin which the world wants to legitimize. It is telling that Paul says, “Such WERE some of you.” He doesn’t say merely, “such were some of the things you did” but “such were [in persona] some of you” (1 Cor 6:11). For Paul, the gospel holds out a radical transformation of even our identities as we continue to fight the corruption of our hearts. I want any person suffering such a heavy burden as that of homosexual sin – and Paul would have us understand it is both a gravely serious sin and condition – walking into my church to know he or she can find the gospel of grace that promises forgiveness and renews the mind and heart along with changing the behavior. I want him or her to be able to echo Paul’s gospel, the one he received from Christ himself, and say, “Such was I.”

Finally, consider the physical nature of the human from either a theistic or naturalistic perspective. From a theistic standpoint, we say humans are created by God. Would God create people homosexual? No, he would not. Why is that? Because the initial offer of life to Adam as well as the subsequent offer of life to fallen humanity depends on proliferation. In order for God to be glorified in the reward of life to Adam (had he succeeded, of course) or in the gracious bestowment of life upon all those found in Christ, God would need an essential element: people. Homosexuals, because they are not physically made to reproduce cannot be born homosexual, because such a person could not be a functional part of the reality God created which moved toward his glory in the creation of a people for himself. In the Garden of Eden, there were only two sexual orientations or states: asexuality and heterosexuality. Adam, originally asexual, did not experience loneliness until God brought nature to him and stirred up his sexuality, a primary component of which is the need for companionship (this is why we say marriage is primarily about companionship). Once Adam was sexually awakened, he was given a spouse, a woman. He was now heterosexual. After the fall, the need for the human race to proliferate remains. There is no Covenant of Redemption without people to be redeemed. Therefore, asexuality and heterosexuality are the only proper components of the human race being moved to its appointed end. So, where’s the scriptural evidence? In Matthew 19:3-11, Jesus gives probably the most significant interpretation on Genesis 2:18-25 and the orientation or state of human sexuality. There it should be noted, from the lips of humanity’s Creator himself, Jesus states there are only two sexual orientations or states: asexuality or heterosexuality. So, to affirm the homosexual identity from a theistic standpoint is to do several things: deny Jesus’ authority on the matter and deny the inspiration of scripture, especially Genesis. Furthermore, it amounts to an accusation that God made a cruel and bumbling mistake in making people homosexual and giving them strong impulses to be sexually active, yet providing them with no means to reproduce. Ultimately, from a theistic standpoint the homosexual identity is untenable. They are merely heterosexuals with a severely broken sexuality manifesting a sinful desire for the same gender. To affirm the homosexual identity in the church is to arrogantly attempt to take control of the situation and make up for the error of God, for he surely did not make homosexuals able to recreate themselves as he enables heterosexuals to do.

From a naturalistic standpoint, we would want to consider the impulse evident in evolution. This is a warranted personification of evolution which most, if not all, naturalistic (hence, atheistic) scientists employ but deny. For how can purely chance processes have a unifying impulse? Well, any reading of their literature discovers just that. This impulse is the combination of “survival of the fittest” and “adaptation.” In common terms, evolution postulates that the driving force in nature is survival and proliferation. Living long enough to reproduce and nurture young, if necessary for their survival, is the only meaningful (if even that word can be used) undertaking of all species. Regarding homosexuality in the light (darkness!) of evolution, we are forced to conclude it is an aberration much like any other species that by chance devolved. According to the lie of evolution, any species that is present on the scene of life must have been able to reproduce; that is, it evolved to that point. But if that same species then develops a fatal barrier to proliferation, then its existence is imperiled because it is devolving. It is headed for extinction. Given our current science and the advances in medicine we enjoy, any consistent evolutionist should be voicing real concerns about how to treat and cure homosexual humans of such a catastrophic alteration in their sexual orientation. They claim an inner impulse which their physiology does not support in the aim of the evolutionary impulse. The homosexual has an inner impulse to couple with other humans which is opposed to proliferation of their kind. From an evolutionary standpoint, it is a death knell. Thus, right thinking evolutionists should treat homosexuality as a disease and encourage homosexuals to seek treatment for it with the same vigor as they would a remedy for cancer. Ironically, eugenicists have seen the truth of this turn of scientific and societal events and lie in wait to cull from the human species such people. One of the most frightening aspects of saying homosexuals are born that way is that people will begin to screen for a “gay gene” and abort their babies if they have such a “birth defect.” But homosexuality is primarily a sin issue, not a natural characteristic. What an interesting dilemma the homosexual finds himself in when it is the Christian community and its abiding respect for life in the womb which comes to the rescue of the homosexual, cruelly preyed upon by the eugenicist.

To those who believe the homosexual sinner should be affirmed in his identity because he feels as if he’s “been that way all his life,” let me say that it is both the Bible’s teaching regarding our fallen condition and God’s sovereign prerogative to leave humans in that state with all its ramifications which is at issue. For the homosexual who has seemingly always felt a desire for the same gender, it is just a simple matter of God not restraining such an impulse from an early age. Some introspection might reveal that it is we who are reluctant to allow God his prerogative to leave sinners to this sin even at the earliest ages.  We might all be homosexual – or worse – if God in his common grace didn’t restrain the evil inclinations of the heart. This is a hard truth, but it is the best answer and the one the Bible gives, as to why a little baby can grow to be such a helpless sinner. God simply in his wisdom, and in his love for all those who will eventually come to him, deigns these courses for his glory and our good. The question of “Why?” is laid at Adam’s feet, true. But the question is better brought before the Sovereign God of all Mercy. That is where our hope lies for this awful condition of the heart called homosexuality. Contrarily, there is no hope, no restoration, and no grace in the affirmation of the homosexual identity which some churches hold out to the sinner. It is a false gospel. What the homosexual sinner needs – what we all need – is the pure gospel of grace and comfort which promises heart change, not just a moralism of mere behavioral restraint. The cure for the deep loneliness of the homosexual is not found in affirming his identity as such. (How cruel: “Yes, God and we affirm your homosexuality. Now, honorably go through life lonely and desperate for the gentle touch of a loving companion.”) No, true cure is seeking the restoration to health of the homosexual sinner’s sexuality under the curative hand of the Great Physician, the one who knows how he made humans and is merciful to heal and console… and restore.

(I have some fond memories of dear men and women friends who tragically engaged in and suffered greatly from homosexual sin.  I grieve deeply now remembering a man I looked up to - I was not a Christian then - who "married" an Episcopal priest in Los Angeles.  This was almost twenty years ago.  Other friends had found spiritual avenues of justification for their sin and sickness.  As a vile sinner myself, I helped those friends find such avenues of justification even though I knew rationally and in my conscience that homosexuality was an aberration.  An enemy of God and Christ at the time, I just wanted God to get out of my head and so I tried to tear Him down everywhere I could, even if that meant perpetuating the sins of others... sins which I myself did not engage in and abhorred.  No, I'm not trying to purge guilt by decrying "homosexual identity."  I'm not stuck in an overreaction.  It is just simply a lie which must be opposed.  Gentleness, prayer, and support must be given to all those who come to us with this sin even if they don't see it clearly for what it is at a root level, yet.  But if the smooth, articulate, rhetorically-skilled and ostensibly mature "homosexual Christian" or any other proponent of this error comes into our midst, or wherever such teachings which promote the "homosexual identity" surface, then great caution is to be urged.  I shiver in fear and loathing remembering how that homosexual Episcopalian priest so easily held thousands in his sibilant sway as he spoke so convincingly of God loving us just the way we were made by Him.  Lord, help us to be wise as serpents and as innocent as doves!  Do I despair?  Oh, how easily I could while looking at the landscape of the church today.  But there is a safe haven to be found!  It is this:  Where the gospel is preached purely, such things are very unlikely to get a chance to take root. Consequently, let us all make it a solemn duty to faithfully support and pray for our pastors and elders, that they would lead us rightly and not cave to social theories, sentimentality, and desires for the approval of man.)

Secular Counseling

I am quite skeptical of and ideologically hostile toward secular psychiatry and psychology.  It is not that they have no truth or that nothing they have brought to light is helpful.  It is that the roots of their schools of thought are hostile to God.  They are not treating, let's say, spiritually indifferent warts on a hand.  They treat souls.  I used to be a counselor in the Navy, so my skepticism isn’t “throwing stones over a wall."  Since becoming a Christian myself, it has saddened me that a Christian – who has the Holy Spirit living inside him and the word of God in front of him – would (sometimes with his pastor’s recommendation!) hand over the care of his inner life to a therapist employing a body of “knowledge” which fundamentally denies the very God living in that Christian. It’s like saying, “Holy Spirit, just take a seat out here in the waiting room while this atheist tinkers with my soul and helps me achieve peace, meaning, and strength to go on living.” This is a tragedy for God’s people. The good news is that there are fabulous Christian (i.e. biblical) counselors available who will not undermine the authoritative role of the scriptures, the church, and the elders (especially pastors) in the believer’s life. These are the counselors who should be sought out; and preferably only in a crisis. Long-term counseling, if unnecessary, undermines the normal growth and hard work of sanctification – usually manifested in continuing calls to forgive and be forgiven – which takes place primarily in the home and in church relationships. A good Christian counselor will avoid creating a dependency which compromises the Christian’s exposure to the ups and downs of life in the covenant community and broader world. Furthermore, good Christian counselors will pray for and with you, and turn you always to the scriptures and the people of God for your well-being. But beware, for not all “Christian” counselors are believers. Many are Christian Scientists, liberal “Christians”, 12-Steppers, or just plain practitioners of atheistic psychology or new age mysticism who are willing to sprinkle a few religious terms here and there to placate an otherwise skittish client. I recommend counselors who are conscientiously Reformed, clearly evangelical, uphold the Bible as the ultimate rule of faith and life, and have an admiration and respect for the work of people like Timothy Lane and Paul Tripp of the CCEF, as well as Jay Adams’ nouthetic counseling school of thought.  These approaches collectively best handle the word of God as it applies to the needs of believers as well as wisely applying real truth from God's general revelation.  One would almost invariably encounter a counselor who is a true believer if one kept to these approaches/schools of thought.  I am very happy to talk about this issue as well.  I understand how hard life gets... I've been both the counselor and the client.

(Clarification:  What I'm opposed to and caution Christians against is counseling in the common, popular sense of the word, where a non- or pseudo-Christian acts as a dispenser of truth regarding how to deal with the ups and downs of what the Bible tells us is just our process of sanctification under the loving and guiding hand of the Holy Spirit.  I have some acceptance of psychotropic medications because the curse upon humanity after the Fall does impact the mind/body interface to such a degree one might find these last resorts necessary to attain to minimal functionality.  I see this as more useful for severe disorders (e.g. schizophrenia), much less so for simple depression, adjustment disorders, etc.  However, I believe the most common cause of psychiatric referrals and subsequent prescription of meds is more spiritual than physical.  God allows his children to suffer the effects of the curse in various ways, physical and psychological.  For some of us, those effects never entirely go away.  It has been helpful for me to remember we live in a world that is in denial of the curse and seeks life everlasting for both body and mind, without the need for Christ.  Let's not get caught up in their mantra of nipping and tucking and catharting and positive-affirmationing and supplementing and adjusting and exercising and laying-on-of-hands-ercising... and medicating... away everything the world says we shouldn't have.  We must remember our identity is in Christ.  Remember the thorns he bore upon his head?  There is the curse upon the creation which his work will reverse.  If we are to bear a cross like his, then it follows we are to bear some part of the curse as he has. Romans 8 deals with this stunningly.  Should we just partake, even now, in the royal features of his passion - the robe and the staff - but shun the assault of sin's effects?  Tough talk, I know.  Very hard to practice when the mind is anguished and the body wracked.  But we must take up the truth of Father-ordained, Christ-modeled, Spirit-sanctified suffering which all God's children go through in this life.  Personally, I want my brothers and sisters in the faith to pour these kinds of consoling words out on me should, let's say, cancer be eating away at my body, for it will be so very easy for me to forget.  Toward that end, my brothers and sisters - as well as I - must be prepared, equipped for that possible future battle.  We wage war around deathbeds.  And the battle is for faith in a loving, wise God who uses our suffering as a testimony to his goodness and as a refining tool for our eternal bliss.)

Having Children

I may not be able to have children naturally, though a proper determination may require some medical involvement.  I am open to marrying a wife who has children in the home, or who has grown children and who doesn't want any more, or who might be childless and accepts the Lord's providence in her life.  I trust the Lord's will in all this.  I must say, however, I am getting older and energy comes less easily than it used to...  Again, I trust the Lord's will regarding marriage and the possibility of children.

I do believe companionship is the primary purpose of marriage on the human level. That’s why this section is farther down on my list. I believe it is a serious and harmful error to teach women that their worth is bound up in their ability to bear children. There is a covenant in the marriage, and everything I mention above is far more important to the health of a marriage than children. Put another way, with or without children, it is the marriage which remains a picture of the union of Christ and his Bride, the church. So, if a potential wife and I do not or cannot have children, it will be a sadness we both will bear, but it doesn’t change the marriage in itself. None of this is to say that parents are not to give themselves mightily to their children; they must. But children grow and leave.  Not so with husband and wife; they are to grow and cleave.

So, do not be afraid if children do not come into the marriage that I will bemoan the fact and start looking elsewhere. I’m currently childless, too, though I have a strong parental instinct, as you might have, as well. Should a marriage not result in children, we can grieve together. Remember, God is good and he always gives what we need to be joyful in him and in what he does with and for us. My church provides plenty of opportunities to be paternal and maternal. Though little feet may not resound through our house on Sunday morning, at my church there are so many of the little ones it is almost like swimming through a sea of pig-tails and skinned knees!

My Sanctification

I am a work in progress. My strong words here are just that: my strengths. Weakness and frailty are my spiritual companions, too. I cry. I mourn. I feel loneliness poignantly. I get lots of things wrong. My sin and indifference to God at times are, frankly, disheartening; particularly in how lightly I sometimes view those sins. I do not know what my life would be like – what I’d do the next moment – if God were not my refuge and hope and his people stopped loving me. Any dear woman I’d be blessed to be brought together with would not be stuck with anything resembling a perfect man (but neither would she be strapped to a soggy lump of a man). It is my dearest hope to be with my Savior and hear him say to me, “Well done, good and faithful servant!” I will not get there without a fight, and that fight is primarily against me. God has promised to complete his work in me (Php 1:6). I would truly love to see that work through with a godly wife by my side. In fact, I believe having a godly wife is part of the Lord’s wise and loving plan for my sanctification. So, I might someday find myself affectionately and teasingly quipping to a wife, “You must think you’re God’s gift to me!” Of course, the warm and energetic reply should be, “Yep! And don’t forget it, Buster!”

Racism

I am particularly offended by racism and have little patience for talk of the “good old days” of Southern Presbyterianism or of how the South got tyrannized by the North. Last I heard, slavery and racism were antithetical to Christianity. I have no special love for a culture that breeds humans as beasts of burden and then uses the Bible or tradition or political theories to uphold it, especially when the larger society is moving away from it. It is a sad day when secular society is more moral than the church or the subculture the church supports. Let me be plain: I will not allow any such talk in my house. I do realize there are Christians who need to grow in this area. But when they blatantly move this theological and moral issue away from a proper understanding in the light of scripture and place it under the shadow of politics in order to maintain their legalistic stance and persist in their ugly rhetoric, it is just plain unacceptable.  I hope that doesn’t sound harsh.  Believe me, I’d be just as stern if a male guest in my house attempted to use male headship to justify demeaning jokes about women.

Food and Health

I love fellowship and serving guests comfortably in my home, but I do not like stuffy, complicated meals. Concerning cooking in particular, I hope and pray a wife will undertake this with joy, as I am not a very good cook. I’m not saying I won’t help…. I’d enjoy making use of any opportunity to spend time with a wife, the kitchen included. However, since I have a desire to serve a wife joyfully as well as seeing to domestic duties properly, it is my wish to keep my physical fitness and strength up while keeping my weight and cholesterol down. So, I guess what I’m saying is that, day-to-day, I would prefer light and healthy meals be the norm.

I would also prefer a potential wife herself be committed to healthy eating and exercise. This would be a wonderful gift to me. But don’t worry; I am not looking for an activity junkie for a wife. And none of this has to be a grueling yoke of bondage. I’m sure there are fun and creative ways to integrate healthy eating and physically beneficial activities into a marriage. For instance, it would be nice to create a tradition of evening walks. (I’d love holding hands and talking; the exercise while walking would just be a bonus.) To cite a very wise man in my church: “I don’t think women want to be married to the Pillsbury doughboy.” Trust me; I don’t want to be that doughboy. To put a more serious face on my comments let me say this: Given my family history of cardiovascular disease, eating all kinds of rich foods with heaping portions and lounging around in the La-Z-Boy will not make me happy. It will make me dead. Now, don’t get me wrong:  I love good cooking.  But I don’t want a wife to think meals have to be ostentatious, that I’ll never help out, or that meals must have rich foods with heaping portions. As I said before, I prefer the opposite. One last thing is that the doctor who put the laser to me and fixed my snoring forever said one thing could for sure bring it back: “letting myself go” or, as I interpreted it, gaining a lot of weight and/or drinking excessively.  Snoring may be funny in cartoons, but waking up gasping for air several times a night is terrifying, saps energy due to getting poor sleep, and erodes clarity of thought.  So, for all the reasons above, I ask a potential wife be committed to healthy eating and exercise.

Smoking

I might smoke a cigar around the campfire at our annual church campout, but only if there’s toothpaste or mouthwash I can get my hands on later.  I like the smell of some tobaccos, but the taste… none are good! I don't smoke at all otherwise. I do not like being around habitual cigarette smokers and will not allow any kind of smoking in my home or car. I don't think smoking is a sin in itself though abusive, addictive, inconsiderate, or dangerous usage of it is.

Alcohol

Drinking alcohol is not a sin; drunkenness is. I am abstinent. It is wise for me to be so. I haven't had a drink in 26 years. I started drinking and using drugs when I was eight years old and, by God’s common grace, was freed at age 17. I do not agree with Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) as a method for a Christian to stop drinking. I was a member of AA for over 20 years, and I know it inside and out. It is idolatrous. The Bible is absolutely clear that any and all who do not have the Son, do not have the Father. AA claims the favor of God but rejects Jesus Christ, his Son, in practice. Such is irreconcilable with a true abiding belief in the inerrancy and authority of God’s word.  It caused great anxiety in me, for as I continued to go for a while after becoming a Christian, it began to terrify me when they’d say the Lord’s Prayer at the close of their meetings, believing that they had the favor of God while rejecting the One who gave his people (the church) that very prayer. Little do they know (or perhaps, in their hearts, they do know) they are storing up wrath by invoking God’s name in an assembly where Jesus is not welcome. As well, they deny God's exclusive claims upon his creatures by teaching that a person may believe in any available god, Jesus included, or perhaps create one of their very own. The Holy Grail in AA is not a vital relationship with the One True Living God who, in Christ and by his Holy Spirit, can free a sinner from the bondage of drunkenness, but an effective and pragmatic religious experience of whatever kind which harnesses and breathes power into the naked will. They capitalize on God’s common grace which is augmented by and strengthened in human community. Abstinence is its aim, with not a whit of care for the eternal destinies of its members. AA, while thoroughly endeavoring to introduce its members to the spiritual realm, gives no apparent thought to the fact that most people there will see their progress in abstinence as bona fide evidence that God favors them on the one hand, and that they don’t need Christ, on the other. As their literature states: “[AA’s] primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.” And in AA, it is absolutely clear that what you believe is not as important as the sobriety any belief might obtain for you. They say they have no opinions on outside issues, religions, movements, or philosophies. But, AA introduces its members to the spiritual realm. In that endeavor, there is no neutrality, nothing indifferent.

Yes, Jesus did say on one occasion, “He who is not against me is for me.” However, he was talking about believers who were calling on his name but who didn’t submit to the vain ambitions of the immature disciples who were filled with self-importance. What is applicable is Jesus’ statement, “He who is not for me, is against me.” This, from our Lord’s mouth, describes the predicament AA finds itself in. But convinced that they will be around “so long as God needs [them]” it is unlikely they see their need or their danger. I really believe Christians cannot support AA anymore than they can support Freemasonry. Needless to say, I hold that no 12-step group is a valid place for Christians. Now, if the unbeliever wants to get sober and reject or offend the God of the Bible, then AA is a great place for him to do both.

Please feel free to ask me questions about this. I know it can be confusing because the people in AA are so nice and appear very real… and sometimes Christians are neither. If you have long-term sobriety in AA, it can be very frightening because you’ve been told or seen how others cannot stay sober outside of AA. I suggest reading John’s letters and praying for wisdom and strength to honor Christ in what you do. As a Calvinist, as a Christian, you must come to grips with both God’s power and willingness to save you from your sins and also submit to scripture’s teaching that he may not heal you completely in this life. It is a tough choice, but I can tell you that God loves you and will do what’s best for his glory and your eternal good. And remember, drunkenness and the God who saves drunkards have been around a lot longer than AA!

Pets

I put this section at the end because it is not something upon which I will easily waver, and I feel almost ogreish about bringing it up. I ask the following scriptures be considered as one begins to digest my perspective.

Acts 2:42 says that the apostolic church devoted itself to “the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.” Of particular interest is fellowship and how that is put alongside preaching/teaching, communion, and prayer. I am one of those who believe that fellowship is easily considered a means of grace, though surely not occupying the same place as the word and sacraments. I believe this because fellowship is part of anticipating heaven, and the hope of eternity we have receives fresh life when we gather together.

At 1 Peter 4:8-10, as his letter begins to wind down, Peter tells the church, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.” The emphasis here is love and joyful service. I want to focus on hospitality. Even if some have a special gift of hospitality, this is also a general gift and expectation for all the saints, much like how few saints are given the special gift of evangelism and called to be an evangelist, though all saints are to evangelize.

Jesus conveys his thoughts on mercy, love, and hospitality in Matthew 25 going so far as to stress in the most serious terms that true Christians are characterized by loving attentiveness to these duties. The parable concerns the sheep and goats. He says, “[To the righteous who showed love to the brethren] The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me… [Whereas to the unrighteous who showed no love for the brethren] He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.' Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.” Jesus would never teach that we earn our salvation by works of any kind, even hospitality. However, what he is saying is that lovingly attending to the needs of others, especially those of the household of faith, is what saved people do. Lack of an inner impulse to exercise this kind of love (if one is actually capable of it but refuses) is a serious danger sign that one is not in the faith.

Finally, a contrasting passage comes from Solomon (Ecc 5:18,19) who tells us that we may enjoy the fruits of our own private labors. This passage lays a good foundation against communism and cultism. He says, “Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him—for this is his lot. Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God.” Here I find that a household may indeed, without shame, raise the drawbridge and shut the gate to outsiders, even those inside the church.

In summary I suggest that the overall thrust of the cited passages is that God gives us good gifts of wealth and talent for our own enjoyment and comfort, but that the ultimate purpose of these is to benefit God’s kingdom and his people. This is why a home is to be both a place of peace and comfort for the family as well as a way station ready to receive visitors.

Now, on to the hard part…

You see, I love cats and dogs – practically all animals – on the one hand, yet have a bad allergic reaction to them and do not care for their destructiveness and prevention of proper hospitality, on the other. In addition to itchy eyes, runny nose, and frequent sneezing, I get painful blisters in my nose when I’m exposed to cats and dogs for an extended period of time. Add to this the certainty that guests (which the Bible commands us to love and be hospitable toward) might also have allergic reactions to household pets, that pets are eventually going to damage or destroy items in the house, and that some guests will have negative reactions to them.  Given all this it is really not probable that I can live under the same roof as pets. There is an exception, however.  I will get to that at the end.

In my church, there is a wonderful woman who has a severe reaction to cats. Her airways get constricted and she gets faint from difficulty breathing. Should I, knowing this, just say to her that I have chosen a cat over her? Granted, I am being somewhat dramatic here, but my concerns are not outlandish, in my experience. I have met those who put animals before people; before their spouse, before their children, before their landlords, before their guests. I believe it is a sin to do this. On the other hand, I have met people who don’t care properly for their animals (remember, I love animals, so you’ll understand why this also upsets me). Improper care of animals is a sin, too.

I would be happy with an outdoor pet or two, if such could be afforded.  Outside animals need proper care and shelter to be happy, too. It’s not a viable solution to have the pet inside while I’m away, and outside while I’m home. This also means no pets in cars. I believe a car is to be available to give people rides, and I want to love people by having my car clean and ready to serve them in this way.

As I said before, I love animals… they just can’t be in the house or car, in any way be an irresponsible drain on resources, displace a spouse or other family members, trigger allergies, or hamper our ability to be hospitable to church members or others.

There is an exception I’d be happy to try, however.  If my wife (should the Lord grant me that desire) and I were particularly active (as I’d hope) and she liked to walk or jog on her own, then I would like to have a large dog she could have as a deterrent and protector.  I don’t envision a mean dog, but one capable of protecting her instinctively and which is clean and otherwise quiet by nature.  I think of a Rhodesian Ridgeback, but there could be other breeds.  Because of my allergies and hospitality, regular grooming and cleaning and limiting of the dog’s access to furniture and bedrooms would be required.  I do like dogs and protection of a wife is a very good reason to give that a try.

Whew!  That’s a Lot of Work, Huh?!

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May the Lord Bless Your Search for a Godly Husband!