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SovereignGraceSingles

Welcome to SovereignGraceSingles.com. Where Reformed Faith and Romance Come Together! We are the only Christian dating website for Christian Singles in the Reformed Faith worldwide. Our focus is to bring together Christian singles of all ages. Reformed single Christian men and women who wish to meet other Reformed Christian singles for spiritually, like-minded, loving relationships.
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SovereignGraceSingles

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” - Genesis 2:18
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SovereignGraceSingles

Meet Like Minded Believers Can two walk together except they be agreed? - Amos 3:3
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SovereignGraceSingles

John Calvin puts forward a very simple reason why love is the greatest gift: “Because faith and hope are our own: love is diffused among others.” In other words, faith and hope benefit the possessor, but love always benefits another. In John 13:34–35 Jesus says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Love always requires an “other” as an object; love cannot remain within itself, and that is part of what makes love the greatest gift.
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SovereignGraceSingles

SGS offers a "fenced" community: both for private single members and also a public Protestant forums open to Bible-believing Christians such as Presbyterians, Lutherans, Reformed, Baptists, Church of Christ members, Pentecostals, Anglicans. Methodists, Charismatics, or any other conservative, Nicene-derived Christian Church.
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SovereignGraceSingles

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Contributors to this blog

  • Dean Scott 20
  • William 4

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Dean Scott

Ladies of Sovereign Grace Singles!

Ladies of Sovereign Grace Singles,

 

You are to be protected by men in our society, in our churches and in our families. It is my desire to do so on Sovereign Grace Singles.

As Owner of Sovereign Grace Singles, I want to communicate to you that I WILL NOT tolerate any salacious and/or inappropriate behavior by the men who are members. IF you should experience something of such nature, I want to encourage you to abide by the principle of Matt. 18:15-17 regarding confronting the man directly regarding their sin and seeking their repentance and reconciliation.

Should this not achieve the desired resolution, I invite you to contact ME directly. I will do my best at mediating such an occurrence in a Biblical and fair, mutually edifying resolution.

 

I DO want to make it clear that I am NOT writing this to you because of any "violation" of any sorts but to be, rather, pro-active.

 

Your Servant in Christ Jesus,


Dean Scott

Creator/Owner of SGS

 

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Sovereign Grace Enterprises, LLC
Washington, USA

William

SovereignGraceSingles' Doctrinal Statement

Before you subscribe to SovereignGraceSingles services we ask that you review the following Doctrinal Statement.

 

What we mean by “Reformed”, “Evangelical” and “Church”…


Reformed theology gets its name from the sixteenth century Protestant Reformation. Believers in the Reformed tradition regard highly the specific contributions of such people as Martin Luther, John Knox, and particularly John Calvin. However, Reformed theology was not “invented” in the sixteenth century. The stream of orthodoxy reaches back through the ages, ultimately finding its source in the headwaters of all truth, the Scriptures themselves.

 

Reformed theology places great emphasis on the doctrine of God, this doctrine being central to the whole of its theology. The chief and most distinctive article of our theology is God’s sovereignty. Sovereignty means “rule” and the sovereignty of God means that God rules over His creation with absolute power and authority. He determines what is going to happen, and it does happen. God is not alarmed, frustrated, or defeated by circumstances, by sin, or by the rebellion of His creatures.

 

His sovereignty also oversees the salvation of man as manifested in the doctrines of grace. The doctrines of grace have historically been represented by the acrostic TULIP. In short, this doctrine biblically describes God’s role in man’s salvation.

 

Total depravity (T) declares that man is dead in sin and incapable of exercising faith without first being regenerated by the sovereign work of the Holy Spirit. Unconditional election (U) refers to God’s gracious work of election whereby according to His good pleasure and not based on anything man has done, the elect are brought to saving faith by the work of the Holy Spirit. Limited atonement (L) means that Christ’s death, though sufficient to save all, was efficient to save the elect. In this sense, all for whom the atonement was designed to save, will be saved. Irresistible grace (I) refers to God’s effectual calling being “operative,” not “cooperative,” whereby the regenerate are made willing to come to Christ and cling to Him for their redemption. Perseverance of the saints (P) means that those who are truly regenerate come to saving faith will never lose their salvation. God preserves them and will complete the work He has begun.

 

What we mean by “Evangelical”


The word “evangelical” comes from the Greek word meaning “good news.” For years, it identified those believers who held to the basic Christian doctrines (i.e., the Trinity, the Deity of Christ, the Resurrection & the Judgment of all men, etc.).

 

In the course of history, however words change. In our day this has happened to the word “evangelical.” In the past, it served as a bond of unity between Christians from a wide diversity of church traditions. Historic evangelicalism was confessional. That is, it affirmed historic Christian orthodoxy as those defined by the Apostles’ Creed and the great ecumenical councils of the first millennium of Christian history such as the Councils of Nicea, Chalcedon, Constantinople, and others.

 

Historic evangelicalism also shared a common heritage in the “solas” of the sixteenth century Protestant Reformation. The “solas” (Latin for “only”) affirmed the following: Sola Scriptura (Scripture alone), Solus Christus (Christ alone), Sola Gratia (Grace alone), Sola Fide (Faith alone), Soli Deo Gloria (To God be the Glory alone).

 

In short, the “solas” were the rallying cry of the reformers. Scripture is the sole source of divine revelation. Christ is the sole source of our salvation via His sinless life and His substitutionary atonement. Grace is the sole source of our justification and reconciliation to the Father. Faith is the sole means by which Christ’s righteousness is imputed to us. And lastly, that God’s Glory is to be pursued as man’s chief end and purpose for living.

 

Today, however, the light of the Reformation has been significantly dimmed. The consequence is that the word “evangelical” has become so inclusive as to have lost its meaning. Because of this crisis and because of our love of Christ, His gospel, and His Church, we endeavor to assert anew our commitment to the central truths of the Reformation and of historic evangelicalism. These truths we affirm not because of their role in our traditions, but because we believe that they are central to the Bible.

 

What we mean by “Church”


The biblical word for church means “those who are called out.” The church, therefore, is the assembly or gathering of the elect, those whom God calls out of the world, away from sin and into a state of grace. Each Lord’s Day, the church gathers to worship God. The question “How does God want to be worshiped?” is of utmost importance. Regrettably, the question has too often become“How do we want to worship God?” The result is a man-centered service as opposed to a God-centered one.

 

The loss of God’s centrality in the life of today’s church is common and lamentable. It is this loss of God centeredness that has led the church to transform worship into entertainment, gospel preaching into marketing, believing into technique, holiness into feeling good about ourselves, and faithfulness into being successful. As a result, God, Christ and the Bible have come to mean too little to us and rest too inconsequentially upon us.

 

But God does not exist to satisfy human ambitions, cravings, the appetite for consumption, or our own private spiritual interests. We must focus on God in our worship, rather than the satisfaction of our personal needs. God is sovereign in worship; we are not. Our concern must be for God’s kingdom, not our own empires, popularity or success.

 

It is with this understanding that we approach Sunday morning with a carefully considered order of worship. We worship with fear and trembling but we also worship with joy and confidence. After all, there is no other earthly exercise more important than the worship of the Most High God. Since we are not called to worship God in isolation from each other, we do require that you in general adhere to one of the Reformed standards (though there is room for disagreement in minor issues). While these are not infallible standards, they are useful in helping people understand where you’re coming from, and are part of the Reformed tradition.

 

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William

Testimonial by Daniel & Elisa

Daniel contacted me on SGS in August of 2005, which in my opinion was perfect timing because I was feeling like I would never meet anyone. We started to send emails and finally talk on the phone. In March of 2006 he came to visit me from Sweden. I thought he was sweet, but too much of a geek for me, so we mutually broke it off, I broke his heart :(. We didn’t talk for about a year and a half until by God’s providence He brought us back together in 2008. I had matured, and was in nursing school, and proceeded to fall in love with him. Our relationship was hard due to it being international, but we made it work. We always left an email for the other to read when they woke up and Skyped almost every day. Daniel called me daily, and back then we figured out how to text internationally. Daniel came to visit every 4 months or so and my mom and I flew to Sweden New Years of 2008. Sweden is magical in the winter :). In March of 2009 he proposed, and we got married in July, and moved to Sweden three days later for a year! Our 10-year anniversary is just months away and we are both blessed to have found the ones our souls love. Long distance was not easy but was so worth it in the end. We have been blessed with two beautiful children and a love for Christ and depending for each other. True love knows no distance!

Dean Scott

SGS Testimony: Ric and Giselle

Hello, SGSers!


Our friend Dean, owner of SGS, asked us to write a testimonial for the new site!  SGS was a real blessing to my wife and me, so we are happy to share a little about us and offer up words that will, hopefully, encourage others!


For brevity’s sake, here’s a quick overview of how we met.  In the June/July 2014 timeframe, she caught my eye with both her active forum posting and how she rightly handled Scripture in her posts.  On August 3, 2014, I messaged her, using a quote from one of her recent posts to open the door.  And then I waited…and waited.  Two long days later, she responded.


Both Giselle and I had been previously married, and both of us had children.  Our initial messages revolved around our divorce and family, though we were guarded in what we shared.  On top of that, my family lived in Alabama, while hers was in the Dominican Republic.  Thus, we simply messaged one another, then moved to personal emails, then WhatsApp, and finally, Skype.


On December 31, 2014, we met in person in North Carolina at her sister’s house.  While it was an amazing time together, we already felt as if we had known one another for a long time, given all the time we had already spent talking.  The Lord truly blessed our time together, and we began courting on January 12, 2015.


We were able to meet in person three more times, including one extended period where our children spent a lot of time interacting with one another.  Blended families have multiple challenges, so this time gave us all greater insight into how we as a family would function.  Throughout it all, the Lord continued to bless us richly.


Finally, on 22 December 2015, we were married!  Now, over four years later, we continue to receive such amazing blessings from the Lord!  While we are not perfect, God’s grace has continued to work mightily in our lives!  He has blessed Giselle with a wonderful husband (just kidding, my love!).  He has blessed my daughters with a God-fearing and God-honoring wife and mother to model for and love upon them.  He has blessed Giselle’s daughter and son with a stepfather who attempts to model Christ to them.  And He has blessed me with a woman I am very thankful for.  Sorry everyone--many women have done excellently, but my wife surpasses them all.


In Love,
Ric and Giselle Crooks

 

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Dean Scott

SGS' Terms of Service

Your SGS Profile:

SGS requires every Member to feature at least one Profile Picture of yourself and to answer every Essay Question. Failure to do so will eventually result in your Profile being hidden. 

 

There are LOTS of opportunities to upload other Pictures by creating an Album and even Videos from other video hosting websites such as YouTube and Vimeo. The Content of these is expected to be consistent with what a Christian should do. Remember Sola Scriptura!

 

There is also Music Uploads and the same Terms apply with them as well. Remember Sola Scriptura!

 

Enjoy your fellowship:

In order to understand the importance of Christian fellowship, we must first understand what Christian fellowship is and what it isn’t. The Greek words translated “fellowship” in the New Testament mean essentially a partnership to the mutual benefit of those involved. Christian fellowship, then, is the mutually beneficial relationship between Christians, who can’t have the identical relationship with those outside the faith.

 

SGS' Terms of Service:

The providers ("we", "us", "our") of the service provided by this web site ("Service") are not responsible for any user-generated content and accounts ("Content"). Content submitted express the views of their author only.

 

You will not include in your Profile any telephone numbers, street addresses, last names, URL's or email addresses. You agree to not use the Service to submit or link to any Content which is defamatory, abusive, hateful, threatening, spam or spam-like, likely to offend, contains adult or objectionable content, contains personal information of others, risks copyright infringement, encourages unlawful activity, or otherwise violates any laws. 

 

All Content you submit or upload may be reviewed by staff members. All Content you submit or upload may be sent to third-party verification services (including, but not limited to, spam prevention services). Do not submit any Content that you consider to be private or confidential.

 

We reserve the rights to remove or modify any Content submitted for any reason without explanation. Requests for Content to be removed or modified will be undertaken only at our discretion. We reserve the right to take action against any account with the Service at any time.

 

You are granting us with a non-exclusive, permanent, irrevocable, unlimited license to use, publish, or re-publish your Content in connection with the Service. You retain copyright over the Content.

 

These terms may be changed at any time without notice.

 

If you do not agree with these terms, please do not register or use this Service. If you wish to close your account, please contact us. Also, do not register if you do not agree with the rules below.

 

Requests to Delete User Profile or Threads:  

Your participation on the board is a tacit agreement that your posts will become public.  You are not required to post on SGS' Free Public Protestant Forums but, if you do, your thoughts and opinions (and some identifying information) may become public.  Signatures are designed to preserve some public anonymity but some users decide to provide First and Last name.  You need to remember this when deciding to make your name public to the internet (along with your opinions).  SGS' Free Public Protestant Forum will not delete your posts or threads you start.  You need to remember this.  It is part of prudence.  Your posts become part of a larger conversation where people may quote you and interact with your thoughts and we cannot be responsible for cleaning up your online activity on our forum.  Furthermore, it is not your right to simply remove whole threads where others participated because you either regret writing something or because your thoughts are now showing up on search engines because someone searched for your name.  In some cases we will "anonymize" your user profile for you to remove all identifying information but, if you decided to create a username that identified you or created a Signature that made you public we are not responsible for what shows up in search engines nor will we delete all threads that you are later embarrassed or concerned about.

 

Pause Before You Post:

This is something that everyone can benefit from. Before you send the latest jab, punch, tweak, etc into cyberspace, take a minute (or two, or five) to make sure that you are doing so in a spirit of Christian maturity. Study first, pray, post after.

 

Use Proper Grammar, Punctuation, and Capitalization:

If English is not your second language, then you are expected to show other board members the courtesy of properly punctuating and capitalizing your posts. It is commonplace on the web to disregard these rules but improper grammar does not demonstrate consideration toward others who are trying to understand what you communicate. Mistakes in grammar are understandable but willful sloth may result in posts being deleted if they are consistently sloppy.


Make sure of the medium as well as the message:

Godliness is founded on truth. A test of truth is its power to promote holiness according to our Savior's rule, "By their fruits ye shall know them" (Matthew 7:20). No opinion can be more pernicious or more absurd than that which brings truth and falsehood upon the same level. On the contrary, there is an inseparable connection between faith and practice, truth and duty; otherwise it would be of no consequence either to discover truth or to embrace it. While under the conviction of the above principle, it is necessary to make effective provision that all who are admitted as teachers be sound in the faith, there are truths and forms with respect to which men of good character and principles may differ. In all these it is the duty both of private Christians and societies to exercise mutual forbearance toward each other." Above all, operate with Paul's command, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love" (Ephesians 4:2) well in mind.

 

Be Willing to Consider Other's thoughts, but do not be relative:

Continuing with the above does not mean the most important thing on the Board is whether we can all get along in a milquetoast tolerance where every opinion is as valid as every other one. We certainly do not espouse Pilate's dictum, "What is truth?" It is well documented that Calvin, Luther and others used harsh language at times. But it is also probably true that your internet post about the latest book is not of the same significance for the Church as Luther's Bondage of the Will or Calvin's Reply to Sodoleto.

 

General:

Only one account per person is permitted.

When registering, a valid email address has to be used.

SGS is about people, domain names or email in forum/login names are not allowed.

Do not discuss illegal activities. Our server is hosted in the USA and so is subject to US law. Please do not expose us to any unnecessary legal liability.

Post your comment/question to the most appropriate place. Any posts deemed to be in the wrong forum will be moved. Do not cross-post the same question to multiple places.

Make sure you have read the parent article/post completely before posting a reply.

Choose an appropriate subject line. Try to summarize the problem briefly in the subject, and elaborate in the message itself. Repeat the subject in the body if it will make things clearer. Do not use all caps and do not add false information just to get attention (e.g. ;read this or you will be arrested;). Do not use a URL as a thread title.

No useless posts. This includes: Thread bumping, useless one liners, Flamewars, Trolling and Spamming.

No self-promotion without prior staff approval.

Do not link to any site that contains adult content, sexually oriented material or might otherwise be considered offensive. Any post containing an inappropriate link will be deleted and the poster will receive a warning.

Do not propose/link to any site that contains warez/copyrighted software/materials that can be downloaded illegally.

No tracking links, like campaigns, are allowed on the forum.

 

At all times:

Keep all commentary civil, and be courteous at all times. Constructive criticism is welcome, but insults directed towards other users or the site admins will not be tolerated. Coarse/insulting language will not be tolerated.

No commercial advertising is permitted.

Any posts deemed to be self promotion, advertising, or spam can and will be removed. NO SPAM - NO ADVERTISING i.e., posting and making excessive, inappropriate and unnecessary references to your products and websites is self promotion.

If you feel a post violates any of these rules, or you need to bring it to the attention of a moderator (move threads/close/split), please use the ‘report this post’ link to notify the moderators.

 

Questions or Problems?

If you have any questions not addressed in the forum rules or problems with the board, please contact one of the Administrators via Private Messaging or use the Contact Form.

 

Dean Scott

The Pros and Cons of Online Dating-

 

The Pros And Cons Of Online Dating

There’s a reason to choose a specifically Reformed site

by Peter Riemersma

Reformed Perspective magazine and website

Posted on August 2, 2019

 

I first wrote on online dating more than a dozen years ago, back when the Internet was still young, and people still called it the “information highway.” A lot has changed since then – Facebook groups, smartphones, and apps, have increased the number of online dating options. But it’s still strangers trying to get to know each other via long distance communication so a lot remains the same.

 

When I started out, being rather new to computers, I had to be taught the basics of how to get online. Through this cyberspace navigating I came across various ads for "Christian" dating websites. I paid my fee and began to browse many profiles with a particular Christian service. Over time I discovered many familiar faces I knew from various locations. I also discovered some of the pros and cons of online dating.

 

WATCH OUT FOR WEEDS!

Over time I soon noticed that many on this site who claimed to be Christian were not necessarily so, and that there was a real need to test the spirits (1 John 4:1).

 

That might seem a given. After all, God says there are weeds mixed in with the wheat in the Church (Matt. 13:24-30). But it took me time to realize that, and after I did, I had a lot of online correspondence with people on the site trying to warn them to be careful and not trust every site or person who claimed to be "Christian."

 

GOD CAN USE THE “FRIEND-ZONE”

During my first paid term on the site I met a dear sister in the Lord. After a while of encouraging one another by writing on the site we began encouraging one another with email exchanges using our personal email addresses (all the while still cautiously using our aliases, rather than giving our real names at this point).

 

From that, more trust began and in time the next step was undertaken and we exchanged telephone numbers and snail mail addresses, and new correspondence again was initiated.

 

Over time the limitations caused by our distance from one another became obvious and an in-person meet-andgreet was arranged. This was somewhat nerve-wracking – I certainly made a point of being on time for our "date”! We met, spent a few days together, and in parting ways both of us agreed to remain as friends.

 

While our relationship didn’t go any further, our correspondence and encouragement continued until one day she informed me that the Lord had led her to a godly man she had begun to court. They soon got engaged too, and shortly after I opened my snail mail to find a wedding invitation. This was to be a Reformed wedding, as their relationship had become one built on the Reformed faith. They have built their marriage on this and the promises of God’s infallible word. This was the doing of the Lord, and she credits me for being the one used by the Lord to introduce her to the riches of the Reformed faith. And how rich they are!

 

A NEED FOR MORE THAN GENERIC “CHRISTIAN”

At this same time the Lord had begun to stir an interest in someone I’d soon get to know. This brother in the Lord saw the need to create not only a truly Christian online singes website, but a specifically

 

REFORMED PERSPECTIVE / 25

 

Reformed Christian online singes website. And it came to him as he was on a fishing trip!

 

So in 2005, Dean Scott had SovereignGraceSingles.com (SGS) up and running. Once it was, many friends who had been on the previously mentioned "Christian" website were alerted about this new Reformed website – a site that would be specifically for us who were different in our walk with the Lord Jesus Christ than those in mainline churches.

 

I prayerfully decided to try it out. I’m very thankful for the sister in the Lord who led me, and many others, to it, as I soon realized this site was indeed legitimate. It was a great environment in which to meet godly sisters and brothers in the Lord.

 

TRY AND TRY AGAIN

It was then that I met a sister on the site who, at one point, I thought was to be my life partner. But that’s not how things went.

 

After this second “failed” online relationship, I began to get rather disillusioned with online dating. And in response to this disappointment I reminded myself, as I have various times through my life, “Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven." But I took this passage more seriously than perhaps I had ever done before in my life. Recalling someone’s wise advice, I considered how I was to surrender all of my desires to the Lord and delight in Him, “and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Ps. 37:4). I knew I needed to make the Lord’s priorities my own. Instead of impatience, I would be content, knowing He was in charge.

 

So I went back to my computer, but with a very different mindset, and heart. In browsing the SGS website I noticed the profile of someone new. I did not know it then, but the Lord had also placed it on her heart to wait on the Lord and let “His will be done," as well as to give “cyberspace relationships” one more try.

 

When I came across her profile I prayed once again "Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven" and I initiated contact with her. Not expecting anything from it, I once again was put to the test, and called upon to practice the gifts of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23). Two days later, upon revisiting SGS’s website, I noticed there was a message in my mailbox from her (we did not know one another other than our aliases). And we both, having

 

26 / NOVEMBER - DECEMBER 2019

 

sought God’s will, began encouraging one another.

 

Our communication became more regular, and we began to focus on really getting to know one another exclusively. Praise God! Today as a married couple we are united as one in Christ. "For nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37).

 

ASK, ASK, ASK

 

In addition to my gratitude to God, I will always be grateful to Dean Scott and for SGS, for how they helped bring my wife I together.

 

But am I trying to say that you shouldn’t use any other "Christian" or singles websites? Not quite. But the problem that comes with these other sites is the constant temptation to compromise your faith – compromise your relationship with God – because most of the people you meet are not going to be a spiritual match with you. And God should never be second. So I’ve seen people become willing to compromise, and they have either left the Reformed faith, or been misled by not fully understanding their mate by not watching for red flags.

 

So, the only way to use a secular, or generically Christian site, is if you are willing to ask tough questions right away, and ruthlessly weed out anyone who does not love the Lord as you do.

 

Even on a Reformed site, you need to be cautious. Much grief can be avoided by observing potential life partners very carefully in their natural habitat and immediate surroundings in meet and greets. Also, never presume something – when in doubt, ask! You should also get to know his/her pastor, elders, or deacons. Ask them for a character reference or referral, and take time to get to know your suitors’ family, closest friends, and congregation.

 

When appropriate ask about how they handle their finances. And most of all - ask yourself serious questions. If it is a long distance relationship, ask, am I prepared for long intervals apart? Am I prepared to be faithful, both mentally and physically?

 

CONCLUSION

 

So...are you considering looking for a mate online?

 

If so, the very first thing to do is get your relationship with God right. Spend time praying and in His Word. Enjoy time with and serve your local Body of Christ. Do the work the Lord has given you for employment or vocation with all your heart. And pray. Wait on Him and ask for healthy relationships. One of them – whether online or not – may just turn out to be a lifelong love, blessed by God and truly joyful.

 

A version of this article first appeared in Christian Renewal back in February 2009.

 

 

AS SEEN FROM THE OTHER SIDE by Robin Riemersma

  I was skeptical about the whole online thing…until I saw that this [SGS website] was a smaller, more close knit and “safer” community and would be good to try even to just make friends. Then, Peter from Canada (yikes - it seemed so far at the time) wrote me and I wondered what to do.

 

So I prayed about it, and thought to myself (with nudges from the Holy Spirit I'm sure)...is anything impossible for God? Maybe He wants me to go through this type of courting, rather than the type I had always imagined. I always thought someone would just be “sent” to my local vicinity and we could spend time in groups together and get to know one another over a long period. The Lord had something quite different in store for me!

 

Something about Peter was different. I wasn't afraid, though I was very cautious at first, and we just naturally corresponded even despite the distance. And we both enjoyed doing so. With the proper prayer and caution, I don't think distance should prevent a relationship.

 

But it is very difficult, at

 

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the same time. Being apart between visits was hard, yet at the same time it forced us to really get to know one another through talking, and not just going to movies together and sitting there like zombies, or getting too physically involved (in fact Peter and I chose not to even kiss until our wedding day). We had to pray for one another remotely, and trust God to work out the immigration details as well. It was a lot to handle…but I wouldn't trade the whole experience, or having Peter as my husband now, for the world. I see how God led us through everything step by step.

 

Step by step - I guess that's the key thing. Try not to feel rushed - and if a gentleman is rushing you, slow down and see if he'll wait or cool it a bit. That's what I did with Peter for a time, too. We both knew it was right when we felt the same after this “test.”

 

REFORMED PERSPECTIVE / 27

 

Dean Scott

DATING

What is “Sovereign Grace Singles”? An interview with founder Dean Scott

By Reformed Perspective

Posted on September 25, 2019

    

COMMENTS

Dean Scott started Sovereign Grace Singles to help Reformed singles meet and mingle with other like-minded, and like-hearted, Christians. In the following interview we’ve asked him to give us some more details about his website, and what prompted him to create it.

 

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Reformed Perspective: In preparing for this interview I saw the comments of an Arminian professor who said your online Reformed dating site conflicted with Calvinism. He seemed to think that anyone who believes in God’s sovereignty over all things would just keep quiet and wait for God to drop a spouse in their lap. How would you respond? What is this professor missing?

 

Dean Scott: I remember that same quote – it was from a Christianity Today article – and I when read it, well, I was embarrassed for the professor who made it. Doesn’t he know Calvinists do evangelism? Why would we do that, if we held the “do nothing – God will do it all” caricature he presents of Calvinism?

 

But we know God often uses us as the means by which He does his work here are on Earth. That’s why Paul asks, “And how will they hear without a preacher?” (Romans 10:14). When it comes to spreading the gospel, God uses preachers – that is his means.

 

And consider prayer – I like what Spurgeon said about prayer…

 

“You have heard a great many Arminian sermons, I dare say; but you never heard an Arminian prayer, for the saints in prayer appear as one in word, and deed, and mind. An Arminian on his knees would pray desperately like a Calvinist.”

 

In other words, an Arminian in prayer is acting like a Calvinist – asking God to change people’s hearts. But here, too, God presents prayers as a means through which He works. This objection gets even sillier when you ask questions like:

 

Does a Calvinist work? Why? Because work is the means God has given us to make money to pay life’s expenses.

 

Does a Calvinist shop at the grocery store or does he think food will simply arrive on his plate at dinnertime?

 

Does he own an automobile? Why? Because it is the means to get him where he wishes to go.

 

In that same way, Sovereign Grace Singles (SGS) is the means God can and has used for many couples to find their like-minded mates.

 

RP: What’s the one-sentence answer to “What is Sovereign Grace Singles”?

 

DS: SGS’s focus is to bring together Reformed single Christian men and women who wish to meet other Reformed Christian singles for spiritually like-minded, loving relationships, walking together in mutual agreement, based on the words of Amos 3:3, “Can two walk together except they be agreed?” This is the theme verse of SGS.

 

RP: How did you first come up with the idea for SGS?

 

DS: I had been single for many years and did not want to be. I wanted a mate who believed the same as I did…Reformed in faith and doctrine. But the Christian “dating” websites were a disappointment at best.

 

Then in 2004, I was fishing with some members of a non-Christian flyfishing club I was part of. These were nice guys but the way they talked, what they talked about, the smoking, excessive drinking, and more, had me thinking, Wouldn’t this be even better if I could go flyfishing with other Reformed believers? What if I could go fishing with other brothers and sisters in Christ who could be struck by the incredible beauty of a brown trout and be filled with the same need to praise the God who made it?

 

And that “spawned” (pardon the pun) the genesis of the SGS idea.

 

How could I go find the fellowship that I was looking for?  The Internet!  That’s how I could find other Reformed singles! And when the thought hit, I asked myself, “Why not do it?”

 

SGS was developed and launched in January of 2005. It was a website where Reformed singles could meet for fellowship, service, or perhaps even romance. The first wedding was less than a year later in December and the groom was a businessman who invited me to be their guest at the wedding in Germany! The bride was from India but living in south Florida and their story is amazing and heartwarming to read. I think they have four kids now!

 

I also met my wife Karen in December of 2005. She was widowed with 4 fantastic adult kids who loved the Lord and she had an incredible extended family and church body. We were married in September of 2006. I have 5 grandkids with another on the way! Three of them are a result of the youngest son, Steven meeting his bride, Sarah on SGS as well!

 

RP: What can someone joining SGS expect? What specifically do you offer?

 

DS: On SGS, members can search for friends, activity partners, possible romantic interests and Events in which to participate. There’s was just an Event in Indiana in September promoted on SGS, via group email and Facebook. I’ve made some excellent friends and had some sweet fellowship at Reformed Conferences and Cruises to Alaska and the Caribbean which SGSers have attended. A group of guys and myself went to practice our Second Amendment skills at Frontsight for their 4-day defensive handgun course and had an excellent time!

 

In addition to Events, and emailing other members within SGS, there is Chat and Forums. Members are encouraged to create their own Event locally and we’d be glad to promote it. If they know of Events in which SGSers might be interested, let us know and we can put it on SGS Calendar.

 

RP: People online often seem ruder than they’d be in real life. And on a number of Reformed social forums geared to singles, there sometimes seem to be young men intent on impressing the ladies by showing off their theological chops. They start firestorms, attacking rather than discussing, and just generally bring heat but no light. I’d assume that has to happen sometimes on SGS too. What’s your approach to dealing with it?

 

DS: I know exactly to what you are referring. The place that could occur is in SGS Forums, but I have not actually seen that.

 

If it were to occur, I would want it to be observed and learned from…to be seen as a mean of getting to know someone. One of the negative things about “dating” is that it is usually two persons alone with little interaction with others, as compared with courtship where the couple is more involved with family, friends and peers. In that context you can learn a lot about a person in the way they interact with others, especially those who might think or act differently than themselves.

 

Well, in Forums that interaction with others can also take place (even if to a lesser degree than in person) and whatever they reveal about themselves, for good or bad, is, frankly, helpful to everyone else there in the search for a “mate.”

 

That said, if rude behavior were observed I might contact them, especially if it were extreme. However, again, I have never observed that.  I think others involved in the conversation call each other to accountability. It is not Facebook – conversations are far more friendly here.

 

RP: And what are the costs?

 

DS: When someone goes to SGS they will be invited to create a Profile by answering questions about themselves such as age, location, Reformed denomination, hobbies, etc. The goal is to allow others to get to know them, learning about them by reading their “story.” There is a search feature to allow you to find others in your country, and that’s free to all regardless of subscription status but if you want to chat or email other members, then they have to sign up for a subscription.

 

The cost of the subscription depends on the length: a month is $19.99, 3 months is $44.99, 6 months is $69.99 and a Year is $89.99. These subscriptions are far less expensive than other “dating” sites.

 

To find out more, visit www.SovereignGraceSingles.com.

Dean Scott

Four of my six children found Christian spouses via Sovereign Grace Singles. Along with proper supervision in a true courtship, this can be a very useful tool for people to meet Christian mates, and is a far superior method to the modern dating system.
~ John Ashwood, Pastor of Sovereign Grace Church of Muskogee, OK

 

 

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Dean Scott

 

Meet Reformed Singles Online
Dean L. Scott, in Tacoma, Wash., started SovereignGraceSingles.com (SGS) January 2005. The purpose of SGS is to give an opportunity for single men and women committed to the Reformed faith from around the world to meet other Christians of like mind and persuasion. SGS professes itself to be in contrast to other Christian singles sites where emphasis is placed more on personality profiles than a personal walk with Christ. Share this site with your single Reformed friends: www.sovereigngracesingles.com.


~Dominic Aquila, Vice President / Editor in Chief / Co-founder of The Aquila Report, Editor, PCA Newsletter, a PCA minister and president of New Geneva Theological Seminary in Colorado Springs, Co. He was moderator of the 34th PCA General Assembly (2006), the initial editor of the former PCANews.com, and past editor of the byFaithOnline newsletter.

 

------------------------------

 

"I'll be at a wedding on 3/26 for a couple that met on SGS. I encouraged the young woman, Cara, to sign up, she did and met Scott, whose pastor had urged him to sign up. Beautiful couple with great testimonies. Dominic Aquila"

 

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Dean Scott

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(Dean Scott interviewed by SingleRoots.com)

 

The world of online dating is vast and growing by the minute. Because the Interwebs are so large, we can’t possibly know about all of the niche online dating sites out there that might appeal to our SingleRoots community. We do some pretty extensive research when we review the best Christian dating sites, but we also rely on readers who let us know or ask us if we’ve heard about different sites.

 

So thanks to a reader, we found out about Sovereign Grace Singles, a free online dating site for people who share the commonality of Reformed theology. We reached out to Dean Scott, the founder, to hear more about Sovereign Grace Singles. Here’s what he said:

 

[Interviewed done in August 2013]

 

SR: What sets Sovereign Grace Singles apart from other online dating sites?

 

Dean: It is TRULY Christian and not just in name. It is/was founded, owned and run by myself who is “Reformed,” and I actually met my wife on SGS. My son did as well and my pastor’s daughter too! In addition to being Christian, it is limited to the theological niche of only those who are Reformed in theology. We are not trying to be snobbish but have found/believe that agreement in one’s theology and the world view that is determined by it is integral to healthy and Christ-honoring relationships whether they be friend ships or romantic. SGS STRONGLY encourages fellowship between members of the same, as well as the opposite, gender. This is done by Service Activities (such as Katrina Cleanup in New Orleans years ago), cruises, skiing, snowmobiling and other fellowship outings that SGS members have initiated, not just those organized by SGS it’s self. Healthy relationships of all kinds are best begun and grow in and with others in the Christian community.

 

SR: So, it’s a free online dating site? Like, REALLY free? Or free with a catch?

 

Dean: Yes, totally free. No “bait and .” All features are totally free. SGS was paid a couple of years ago but went free when the active membership began to decline due to economic conditions effecting singles who often have little discretionary income.

 

It is possible, however, that sometime in the future (distant future) SGS could go paid again, but there are no plans whatsoever to do that at this time.

 

NOTE: Since this interview, SGS has moved to paid membership. Visit SovereignGraceSingles.com for up-to-date pricing.

 

SR: Do people have to agree with Calvinist theology to sign up? What if someone who is not specifically-Calvinist wants to use the site?

Dean: Yes, they must agree to the Doctrinal Statement . Amos 3:3 would represent why this is the case.

 

I’m sure there are members who have created profiles who do not agree with the Doctrinal Statement but they usually don’t stay around long as they are not in the company of singles which whom they share beliefs.

 

SR: How many members does Sovereign Grace Singles have? How many people have met on the site and then gotten married?

 

Dean: SGS has only about 1200 members. They are automatically deleted after a year of inactivity to help maintain the integrity of SGS by not showing members who are not truly active or have not been within a year.

 

I do not have exact numbers of how many couples have met and married via SGS but I would estimate about 70. I often hear about their meeting when I am sent “THANKS!” when their first child arrives! Wow… what an honor, no?

 

SR: What is one thing you wish Christian singles would remember when it comes to online dating?

 

Dean: Wow…this could be a huge answer but I would encourage them to involve as many of their Christian friends and family as possible in the “dating” (SGS strongly endorses “courtship”) process. The internet, by it’s very nature, is seductive as it allows one to create a reality that isn’t so. We can desire a relationship so much that we unconsciously ignore things we shouldn’t and see what we want to see. Having a health group of peers, friends, pastors and parents involved will greatly limit this possibility and there is accountability.

 

I Kissed Dating Goodbye is an excellent book addressing this subject. It is applicable for singles of all theological persuasions, however its author, Josh Harris, is himself Reformed in theology.

 

Visit SovereignGraceSingles.com

 

*Dean was also recently interviewed as part of a panel on Moody Radio about whether or not online dating is for Christians. You can check out his interview here.

 

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Dean Scott

Lexi Likes SGS... Dad/Pastor does too!

Hi Dean:

Below is my dad's endorsement of SGS and below that is mine:


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As a Reformed Presbyterian pastor, I counsel several young people in their pursuits of godly relationships. I thoroughly recommend Sovereign Grace Singles because this site is set up so that both the man and the woman are compelled to look at each other's understanding and faith and life. SGS is Christ-centered and so must be our relationships with one another. As a father of two daughters in their twenties, I have found SGS to be tremendously helpful in my paternal role to oversee their courtships. My daughters have been enriched by the Christian fellowship, those SGS members, from several Reformed churches.

Rev. Chuck Muether
Hope Reformed Presbyterian Church
of the Orthodox Presbyterian Church
Pella, Iowa

 

 


When my parents adopted me from Ukraine, I came over to America. I had no friends except for a couple of young people in my church. When I discovered Sovereign Grace Singles, I found distinctively Reformed Christian friends from all over the world. It has been such a blessing to build up relationships through SGS. The site is not a mere dating site, as some might presume, but truly a fellowship place for singles, and a safe community where you can carry each other's burdens and share each other's joys. I have also benefitted from SGS in finding a godly man who loves the Lord with all his heart, soul, strength and mind. SGS has also helped me mature as Christian young lady and the site's administrators have been wonderfully instrumental in my daily growth in grace.

Alexandria Muether
Pella, Iowa

 

 

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Dean Scott

As a Reformed Presbyterian pastor...

 

06-muether.jpg

 

As a Reformed Presbyterian pastor, I counsel several young people in their pursuits of godly relationships. I thoroughly recommend Sovereign Grace Singles because this site is set up so that both the man and the woman are compelled to look at each other's understanding and faith and life. SGS is Christ-centered and so must be our relationships with one another. As a father of two daughters in their twenties, I have found SGS to be tremendously helpful in my paternal role to oversee their courtships. My daughters have been enriched by the Christian fellowship, those SGS members, from several Reformed churches.

Rev. Chuck Muether
Hope Reformed Presbyterian Church
of the Orthodox Presbyterian Church
Pella, Iowa

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­___

Dean Scott


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(by SingleRoots.com)

 

The world of online dating is vast and growing by the minute. Because the Interwebs are so large, we can’t possibly know about all of the niche online dating sites out there that might appeal to our SingleRoots community. We do some pretty extensive research when we review the best Christian dating sites, but we also rely on readers who let us know or ask us if we’ve heard about different sites.

 

Screen-Shot-2013-07-23-at-3.24.23-PM.png

 

So thanks to a reader, we found out about Sovereign Grace Singles, a free online dating site for people who share the commonality of Reformed theology. We reached out to Dean Scott, the founder, to hear more about Sovereign Grace Singles. Here’s what he said:

 

[Interviewed done in August 2013]

 

SR: What sets Sovereign Grace Singles apart from other online dating sites?

 

Dean: It is TRULY Christian and not just in name. It is/was founded, owned and run by myself who is “Reformed,” and I actually met my wife on SGS. My son did as well and my pastor’s daughter too! In addition to being Christian, it is limited to the theological niche of only those who are Reformed in theology. We are not trying to be snobbish but have found/believe that agreement in one’s theology and the world view that is determined by it is integral to healthy and Christ-honoring relationships whether they be friend ships or romantic. SGS STRONGLY encourages fellowship between members of the same, as well as the opposite, gender. This is done by Service Activities (such as Katrina Cleanup in New Orleans years ago), cruises, skiing, snowmobiling and other fellowship outings that SGS members have initiated, not just those organized by SGS it’s self. Healthy relationships of all kinds are best begun and grow in and with others in the Christian community.

 

SR: So, it’s a free online dating site? Like, REALLY free? Or free with a catch?

Dean: Yes, totally free. No “bait and switch.” All features are totally free. SGS was paid a couple of years ago but went free when the active membership began to decline due to economic conditions effecting singles who often have little discretionary income.

It is possible, however, that sometime in the future (distant future) SGS could go paid again, but there are no plans whatsoever to do that at this time.

 

                 NOTE: Since this interview, SGS has moved to paid membership.

Visit SovereignGraceSingles.com for up-to-date pricing.

 

SR: Do people have to agree with Calvinist theology to sign up? What if someone who is not specifically-Calvinist wants to use the site?

 

Dean: Yes, they must agree to the Doctrinal Statement . Amos 3:3 would represent why this is the case.

 

I’m sure there are members who have created profiles who do not agree with the Doctrinal Statement but they usually don’t stay around long as they are not in the company of singles which whom they share beliefs.

 

SR: How many members does Sovereign Grace Singles have? How many people have met on the site and then gotten married?

 

Dean: SGS has only about 1200 members. They are automatically deleted after a year of inactivity to help maintain the integrity of SGS by not showing members who are not truly active or have not been within a year.

 

I do not have exact numbers of how many couples have met and married via SGS but I would estimate about 70. I often hear about their meeting when I am sent “THANKS!” when their first child arrives! Wow… what an honor, no?

 

SR: What is one thing you wish Christian singles would remember when it comes to online dating?

 

Dean: Wow…this could be a huge answer but I would encourage them to involve as many of their Christian friends and family as possible in the “dating” (SGS strongly endorses “courtship”) process. The internet, by it’s very nature, is seductive as it allows one to create a reality that isn’t so. We can desire a relationship so much that we unconsciously ignore things we shouldn’t and see what we want to see. Having a health group of peers, friends, pastors and parents involved will greatly limit this possibility and there is accountability.

 

I Kissed Dating Goodbye is an excellent book addressing this subject. It is applicable for singles of all theological persuasions, however its author, Josh Harris, is himself Reformed in theology.

 

Visit SovereignGraceSingles.com

 

*Dean was also recently interviewed as part of a panel on Moody Radio about whether or not online dating is for Christians. You can check out his interview here.

 

 

Dean Scott

 

 

Divine Intervention

The Pros and Cons of Cyberspace Dating

 

by Peter and Robin Riemersma

 

"Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven...Amen".

 

Being rather new to computers, a few years ago I was taught the basics of how to get online and I began searching the information highway - previously unchartered waters. Granted - this rather new technology is not for everyone. I for one being rather new to the World Wide Web approached it with nervous excitement. Having been warned of the dangers of the internet (which I still watch and pray about every day) I being a curious individual searched various search engines.

 

Click! Through this cyberspace navigating I came across various ads for "Christian" dating or ‘meet and greet’ websites. Having taken the minimal amount of time allowed I paid my fee and began to browse many profiles with a particular "Christian" service. Over time I discovered many familiar faces I knew from various locations. Sadly many of them were sisters and brothers in the Lord who had the same foundation as I had - and yet some (not all) were willing (and since have) compromised in their search for their mate by corresponding with unbelievers. Many as well were subscribed to numerous sights searching for that elusive spouse. (I know as I challenged them on this in discussing it with them face-to-face or by way of SGS). I came to realize that these websites, though "Christian" in name, were not necessarily so and one must use test the spirits. Not because it is ‘wrong’ to correspond with unbelievers, but it can lead to other things and the Bible clearly states that we should not be "unequally yoked." (2 Corinthians 6:14 - 7:1). As a result I had a lot of online correspondence with people on the site trying to warn others to be careful and not trust every site or person who claimed to be "Christian".

 

During my first paid term on the site however, I met a dear sister in the Lord. After a while of encouraging one another by writing we began encouraging one another through our personal email addresses (all the while using extreme caution and our aliases). From that, more trust began and in time the next step was undertaken and we exchanged one another telephone numbers, snail mail addresses and new correspondence again was initiated. Over time our distance from one another became obvious and an in the flesh meet and greet was arranged. This too was somewhat nerve wracking and for the first time I made a point of being on time for a "date". We met, spent a few days together and in parting ways both agreed to remain friends. Over time this continued and our correspondence and encouragement continued until one day she informed me that the Lord had led her to a brother in the Lord she had begun to court, get engaged too, and shortly after opening my snail mail found a wedding invitation. This was to be for her a Reformed wedding as their relationship had become one too, and they have built their marriage on this and the promises of God’s infallible word. This was the doing of the Lord. To date we still remain friends and she credits me for being used by the Lord as to the one who introduced her to the riches of the Reformed faith. And how rich they are!

 

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Yet all the while the Lord had begun to stir an interest in a brother in the Lord to create not only a truly Christian online singes website, but a Reformed Christian online singes website, as he was on a fishing trip. (We both have not had the pleasure to meet and make his or his now wife’s acquaintance yet of whom he met through SGS too). From there, many friends who had been on the previously mentioned "Christian" website were alerted (by a sister in the Lord , we have not yet met either) of this new Reformed website - a site that would be specifically for us who were different in our walk with the Lord Jesus Christ than those in mainline churches. I prayerfully decided to try it out. I’m very thankful for the sister in the Lord who led me to it as I soon realized this site was indeed legitimate as it was a great environment in which to meet godly sisters and brothers in the Lord on. Upon signing on with this new website, a Reformed one, I was assured that being amongst the first 300 members I’d have a free lifetime membership regardless how the Lord decided to bless my tenure there. It was than I ‘met’ a sister who I honestly had thought was to be my life partner. She was not that in the end, yet she will always have a special place in my heart, and will remain in my prayers (as will the previously mentioned sister who now is married too although she was from the first "Christian" website).

 

After the second ‘failed’ online relationship, at this time I began to get rather disillusioned with cyberspace and "Christian"website’s and their services. It was also then I having said various times throughout my life, "Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven", I no doubt took this command seriously perhaps the first time in my life. Recalling someone’s wise advice again they reminded me that I was to surrender all of my desires to the Lord and his will, and he may give you the desires of your heart. This had me approach a PC for the first time in a different way. Having done that I was in browsing noticed the profile of another sister on SGS. I did not know it then, but the Lord had also placed it on her heart to wait on the Lord and let ‘His will be done," as well as to give ‘cyberspace relationships’ one more try. When I came across her profile I prayed once again "Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven" and I initiated contact with her. Not expecting anything from it I once again was put to the test, and called upon to practice the gifts of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22, 23). Two days later upon revisiting SGS’s website I noticed there was a message in my mailbox from her (we did not know one another other than our aliases) and we both having sought God’s will began encouraging one another.

 

Having mutually been led by the Lord to a new friend, our correspondence became more and more regular, eventually narrowing down our acquaintances on SGS. This continued until one realizes that those who truly seek you as a friend request it from you personally. Our lists became considerably shorter rather quickly as a result and today as a married couple we are united as one in Christ. "For nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37)

 

Does this mean you cannot use other "Christian" or singles websites? Yes and No. As said earlier in this article, some are willing to compromise and have in-turn either left the Reformed faith, or been misled by not fully understanding their mate by not watching for red flags. This could all have been avoided by observing potential life partners very carefully in their natural habitat and immediate surroundings. Never presume something, when in doubt, ASK! Get to know his/her Pastor, Elders, Deacons.

 

Ask them for a character reference or referral, take time get to know your suitors’ family, closest friends, congregation.

 

When appropriate ask about how they handle their finances. And most of all - ask yourself serious questions. If it is a long distance relationship - am I prepared to for long intervals apart? Am I prepared to be faithful, both mentally and physically?

 

My dear wife sr. Robin would also like to make a few comments about her online experience, and long distance relationship. Also we have included a few suggestions for those seeking a serious relationship online or otherwise.

 

************************************

 

"First of all, I was skeptical about the whole online thing - until I saw that this was a smaller, more close knit and 'safer' community and would be good to try even to just make friends. Then, Peter from CANADA (yikes - it seemed so far at the time) wrote me and I wondered what to do. 

 

"So I prayed about it, and thought to myself (with nudges from the Holy Spirit I'm sure)...is anything impossible for ` God? Maybe he wants me to go through this type of courting, rather than the type I had always imagined. I always thought someone would just be 'sent' to my local vicinity and we could spend time in groups together and get to know one another over a long period. The Lord had something quite different in store for me! 

 

"Something about Peter was different. I wasn't afraid, though I was very cautious at first, and we just naturally corresponded even despite the distance. And we both enjoyed doing so. With the proper prayer and caution, I don't think distance should prevent a relationship. 

 

"But it is very difficult, at the same time. Being apart between visits was hard, yet at the same time it forced us to really get to know one another through talking and not just going to movies together, etc, sitting there like zombies, or getting too physically involved (in fact Peter and I chose not to even kiss until our wedding day). We had to pray for one another remotely, and trust God to work out the immigration details as well. It was a lot to handle- but I wouldn't trade the whole experience, or having Peter as my husband now, for the world. I see how God led us through everything step by step. 

 

"Step by step - I guess that's the key thing. Try not to feel rushed - and if a gentleman is rushing you slow down and see if he'll wait or cool it a bit. That's what I did with Peter for a time, too. We both knew it was right when we felt the same after the 'test.'

 

*****************************

 

So...are YOU considering looking for a mate online? First of all, get your relationship with God, your Father and Maker of all the Universe, and with Jesus Christ His Son and our only Savior - right. Spend time praying and in the Word. Enjoy time with and serve your local Body of Christ. Do the work the Lord has given you for employment or vocation with all your heart. And pray. Wait on him and ask for healthy relationships. One of them - whether online or not - may just turn out to be a lifelong love, blessed by God and truly joyful.

 

A few books we would like to recommend are: God’s infallible Word.

I Isaac, take you Rebecca. Br.Ravi Zacharias

Passion and Purity,: Learning to bring your life under Christ's control. Sr.Elisabeth Elliot. 

When I kissed dating goodbye. br. Joshua Harris. 

When God writes your Love Story. sr. Leslie and br. Eric Ludy

br. - brother in the Lord

sr. - sister in the Lord

Peter and Robin Riemersma

67 Lake Avenue,

Apt.F

Danbury, CT., USA

06810

1 (203) 739-0453

[email protected]

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10 FEBRUARY-11-2009.pdf

Dean Scott

 

July 17, 2010

 

Christianity Today, August, 2009 

Restless, Reformed, and Single

Online dating services argue that God can use virtual reality too

 

Sarah Pulliam | posted 7/31/2009 09:45AM

 

By day, firefighter Dean Scott puts out flames in rural western Washington. By night, he tries to kindle them between Reformed singles around the country.

 

Scores of Christian dating websites (and dating sites that market themselves to Christians) are doing their part to solve the delayed marriage problem by promising to pair like-minded couples. But Scott's SovereignGraceSingles.com hopes to take compatibility tests to a new level, making sure that singles are on the same page theologically.

 

Singles who build profiles on SovereignGraceSingles answer questions such as, " How have the Doctrines of Grace changed or affected your life?" "Do you have a Quiet Time?" and "Who is your favorite biblical character and why?" Members' usernames include tulips, restingingrace0611, and ReformedSoutherner.

 

Baylor University professor of theology Roger Olson, author of Arminian Theology, is a bit surprised that the site, which hosts nearly 800 members and has borne 37 reported marriages, is catching on.

 

"It's an example of a larger dissonance between Calvinist theology and Calvinist practice,"Olson said. "If God has foreordained everything, then why should I feel any urgency to act?"

 

Scott said he has heard few theological objections to the site since it launched in 2005.

 

"It doesn't sound very Calvinist, but I think we should use all means possible, including the Internet, to find someone,"said Scott, who met his wife, Karen, on the site he built. I don't think it's antithetical to God's sovereignty at all. It's a means that he's provided to use in the lives of single, Reformed folks."

 

Paul David Tripp, author of Marriage: Whose Dream?, says Christians of various theological stripes have trouble deciding whether to use an online site to find a mate.

 

"There will always be questions of the degree to which you should be active and the degree to which you should wait around,"says Tripp, who preaches at Philadelphia's renowned Tenth Presbyterian Church. "There's something problematic about saying, 'I'm going to get married and I'm going to use whatever tool out there.' There's no promise in Scripture that a single man or woman will get married."

 

At Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, Maryland, pastor Isaac Hydoski worries that singles are using online dating sites because they are discouraged. "Many times, it can be an expression of a last-ditch attempt to take the bull by the horns," he said. "It can be done in a way that's submitted to God's will, or it can be done as an expression of self-sufficiency."

 

But Hydoski sees online dating, if rooted in pure motives, as just another way for singles to find each other, no different from couples who meet at a church singles' group or a gas station.

 

"It's not any less significant, less romantic, or more disconnected from God's sovereignty in terms of how you met," Hydoski says. "That's a mistake of Christians over-romanticizing decisions like this."

 

Lisa Anderson, who hosts The Boundless Show, Focus on the Family's podcast for single young adults, tried online dating and found it a mixed bag. Single and 37, Anderson prefers to seek potential partners in a physical community rather than a virtual one.

 

"I had friends who found guys who would lay out the Westminster Confession and make you sign it before they talked to you. That spells freak with a capital F," she said. "But on eHarmony, I get matched with guys who aren't believers. When you can go online and sift through profiles like paint samples, it breeds a consumerist mentality."

 

Anderson believes Christians should think about God's will in dating as they do in other spheres of life.

 

"You have to apply for a home. You have to look for a career," she said. "The Bible says, 'He who finds a wife, finds a good thing,'not, 'He who sits around and plays Xbox goes to a singles'group where God shines a spotlight on the right woman.' We should be availing ourselves of our community and the power of family and friends."

 

ChristianCafe.com, another online dating site, has seen 1.5 million members since its launch in 1999. ChristianCafe.com president Sam Moorcroft says, "The pagans are out having a good time meeting someone, while the rest of us are sitting in our closets thinking it's unbiblical. Let's not let the world have all the good dating sites."

 

Sarah Pulliam is online editor for Christianity Today. Copyright © 2009 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information.

 

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Dean Scott

An Internet Connection for Reformed Singles:

An Internet Connection for Reformed Singles SGS Blog -

SGS in the News Written

by John Van Dyke

 

An Internet Connection for Reformed Singles: The intersection of technology and relationships for singles

[Reprinted with permission from the May 2006 issue of Christian Renewal]

 

A TV show aired during the '70s called The Dating Game. It attempted to match an eligible young man or woman with a person of the opposite sex. Contestants would ask questions of three people hidden behind a curtain whose answers would lead to a decision by the asker to choose which of the three would likely make for the most appealing date. How many of those dating couples went on to a relationship that led to marriage is unknown. But the dating game continues for each new generation searching for spouses - life partners.

 

Contrary to today's secular milieu, dating, of course, is not a game. Some eschew "dating" completely, arguing that "courtship" is the biblical model for two people interested in a permanent relationship. In this era of the internet, finding a potential spouse has taken yet another interesting twist. On-line meeting rooms for singles looking for a relationship have flourished. It's the ultimate in barrier removal for those who have not been led to a successful relationship via conventional means.

 

The problem of match-making is not confined to the secular world, of course. Finding a mate can be just as easy or as difficult within the context of the church. In the movie, The Hiding Place about the life of Corrie Ten Boom during World War II, Corrie's father says at one point during a discussion with his unmarried daughters, "There is a lid for every pot." What he meant was that there is a potential partner for each one of us. Yet it is also true, according to the Bible, that not everyone is given the gift of marriage. There is also something called the gift of singleness, and that, too, can be a blessing of the Lord. But for those who do not necessarily choose to be so blessed, the development of a recent web site may provide the means to the desired end.

 

SovereignGraceSingles is the name of a site that provides a platform and a meeting ground for Reformed singles to discover each other, but on neutral ground and in a safe environment. The brainchild of a Presbyterian (PCA) Christian by the name of Dean Scott, the web site was launched in 2005 and has been the spark behind at least four marriages thus far and numerous new friendships. Scott, 48, lives in Tacoma, Washington. He explained to Christian Renewal that the idea came to him while on a fishing trip.

 

I was flyfishing on the Yakima River in Washington State, the members of my Flyfishing Club. They are nice guys but not Christians. The language, smoking, alcohol to excess and the general nature of conversations caused my mind to wander and imagine how much more it would be to go flyfishing with other Reformed Believers, Brothers and Sisters in Christ who could look at the incredible beauty of a Brown Trout and say, 'I know the Creator of this Work of Divine Art!.... My Lord, Jesus Christ!'

 

This spawned an idea.

 

I wondered how I could find such sweet fellowship and with other Reformed singles specifically. The Internet immediately came to mind and I said to myself, 'Why don't you do it?' Create a website where single persons of like mind can get together for fellowship, service or perhaps even romance!

 

Scott describes how the site began.

 

"Sovereign Grace Singles was 'launched' on January 19th, 2005. The first 300 members were 'Free for Life' and that goal was met in four months and 19 days." Since then the growth has been slow and steady. "I would much rather have quality than quantity," he says and he believes that that is what his site is attracting. "The quality of the Members of SGS is really heartwarming. I am greatly encouraged in my own Christian walk when I read their Profiles."

 

Scott describes on-the-site functions for users.

 

When one goes to the website, they can peruse 'Profiles' without being a Member. If they should desire to join and create a Profile, they are taken to a Doctrinal Statement which defines 'Evangelical', 'Reformed' and 'Church.' They are told NOT to join unless they can agree with the Doctrinal Statement and, by joining, they are stating that they agree with it. There are a few questions about their gender, age, location, marital status, denomination, and a few questions of a more personal nature.

 

It is in the Essay Questions section where they have much more opportunity to tell others about themselves. These vary from questions about their 'Quiet Time' to 'Hobbies' or their 'sense of humor' to what they do for a living.

 

The questions are very useful to help Members reveal things about themselves which others might like to know. Actually, I found the process personally enjoyable myself. The work involved in completing the Essay Questions really helps the individual learn about themselves and for what they are looking. "Lastly, Members are given the opportunity to upload pictures of themselves."

 

The internet's global reach allows singles to cast the net widely well beyond familiar borders. Participants come primarily from North America, but there are also many names with international locations such as the Dominican Republic, England, South Africa and Germany, to name a few. Such a far reach, of course, comes with a willingness to change one's life drastically should there be a connection between two distant members. Of the four internet connections that have led to marriage thus far, one was between a man from Germany who married a woman living in Florida who was from India. Scott was invited to and did attend their wedding, and also, a few days later, attended a seconding wedding from a couple who had their start via SGS and were married near Vancouver, Washington.

 

Getting singles together, Dean Scott explains, is not just about marriage. "Matching' also happens when those of kindred spirit get together for fellowship and service. Many of these events happen spontaneously and are organized by the members themselves," Scott said. "Some, such as the Winter Retreat we had in British Columbia in January and the 'Clamming Outing' at Ocean Shores, Washington, USA, are planned and organized. There was an Alaska Cruise last September which departed from Vancouver, BC, Canada and one planned to the Caribbean which departs from Tampa, FL, USA next November and is on Holland America Cruise Lines."

 

Service projects are another component of SGS. "Those who have time and a passion to serve are given the opportunity to do so," Dean Scott explains. "One such opportunity will be in May, 2006 when SGS members will gather in Slidell, Louisiana, to assist a Reformed Church there continue cleanup from Hurricane Katrina. The fellowship will be wonderful."

 

On any internet endeavour, the matter of security is always a concern. And more particularly when it comes to relationships and matters of the heart. Personal information can be abused by those with wrongful intentions. Dean Scott is well aware of the risks and walls have been established to protect the members.

 

It is cost prohibitive to screen backgrounds of every member. On SGS, when a woman joins I send her a 'Letter to the Ladies of SGS" to direct them to abide by Matthew 18 if they are having any problems of a salacious nature and then, if that does not remedy the situation, to let me know about it and I will handle it post-haste. I do NOT tolerate such behavior for a nano-second.

 

Also, there is a sense of community at SGS and women get to know other women too, as well as men get to know other men. Understandably, if someone is having a problem, it will eventually be known to others. There is mutual accountability.

 

Asked about the economics of the service, Scott said he is presently operating with a deficit. Members (after the first 300 who were free) pay a fee of $89.95 for one year. There are also six, three or one month memberships for a declining fee. Various forms of advertising and perhaps the most effective "word of mouth" continue to result in growth.

 

For Dean Scott the main goal is to see Reformed Christians walking together in mutual agreement, based on the words of Amos 3:3, "Can two walk together except they be agreed?" This is the theme verse of SGS. "The implications of Reformed doctrine pervade all of life. This is especially true in romantic relationships," he says.

 

Forming relationships was the reason Dean Scott, a firefighter/paramedic, began the internet service. And recently, in the providence of God, he also made an internet connection with a Reformed woman that may yet lead to marriage.

 

Asked by Christian Renewal how this site has had an impact on him personally, Karen, a member of SGS offered to answer this one for him.

 

Dean and I became friends first while meeting with other singles from SGS for various social activities. In time our friendship grew to the point that we both realized we wanted to make a serious commitment to one another through courtship. So, I guess you can see how this has made an impact on Dean's life! Dean has a HUGE heart, a sense of adventure and tons of enthusiasm, and it is reflected in the flavor of the website.

 

If marriage should result, does this mean "mission accomplished?" "Karen and I have already spoken about this," Scott explained. "We'd like to continue (SGS) together. We'd join the 'Met on SGS' category. We have no intentions whatsoever to change that ever. It is a joy to do it together."

 

The SGS web site is also a resource to single Christians offering other material and services to this often neglected group in our churches. "There is an online bookstore, chat, blogs, forums, sermons, reformed links, and events," Scott says.

 

As for customer satisfaction, so far the response has been enthusiastically positive. One member who recently ended his relationship with SGS sent the following note:

Canceling with THANKSGIVING- Dean, I wanted to thank you for such a great site... I trust the Lord will continue to bless SGS in mighty ways. I just returned from a trip to Florida to meet face to face a lovely lady I met on SGS and have been talking with for two months almost every night for hours on end. God in his wonderful providence used SGS to introduce us and then allowed His Holy Spirit to minister to both of us through the other. Thank you again for your wonderful site and please remove my subscription with my deepest gratitude. Warmest regards, Charles.

 


 

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Dean Scott

A Wonderful Story of God’s Providence...

 

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Dear Dean,

 

We would like to share with you and others a wonderful story of God’s providence which has worked through your site and also to give encouragement and warning as well. I joined Sovereign Grace Singles in March 2005. I was so thankful to have been led to SGS and to have the opportunity to fellowship with other like-minded believers. Throughout the next 2 years, I made wonderful friends and even traveled to meet other members and attend weddings, but I had not met a man who was compatible with me. I am reformed Presbyterian and I believe in the idea of biblical courtship with parental approval, even at 27 years of age!

 

In March 2006, a wonderful and godly man, Jonathan, from South Africa joined the site, and his profile immediately caught my eye. It sounded like it was written just for me: reformed Presbyterian who believed in courtship and desired to find a godly mate. He was struggling to meet like-minded women in SA but had put his trust in the Lord to provide in His own time. Jonathan noticed that I had read his profile, and after reading mine he said, “It was like reading my own thoughts and views on Christianity and was the first time I had ever met a woman like that! Whoever I showed or mentioned her profile to agreed that it was like we were cut from the same cloth. So I knew that I had to start corresponding with her and so I started to write her daily and she wrote me back too.” We began an e-friendship and faithfully corresponded on a daily basis, not only by SGS but also by E-mail and the telephone. We were certainly eager to see if this was what the Lord had been preparing for each of us.

 

Exactly one year and one week from the day we had begun communication through SGS, Jonathan flew from South Africa to Texas to meet me and my family and to see what the Lord had intended for us with the hope and prayer that we would become engaged. This was an extremely exciting time for both of us. My parents were also excited about Jonathan’s visit and immediately liked and respected him. They were optimistic about the meeting and its outcome. However, there were several concerns which had arisen due, first, to the fact that Jonathan and I had proceeded with our conversations as though my parents had already given their approval, and second, from the overwhelming optimism and expectations of our meeting.  We also had not considered the practical sides of the situation, the main one being work for Jonathan in the USA. 

 

But as the Lord had so preordained, He gave my parents the wisdom to reprove us when we needed reproving, to guide us in our thinking and to bless us with the will to obey and respect them. As a result, after obtaining my father’s permission and blessing, Jonathan proposed to me on April 4, 2007, with the most beautiful and biblical proposal inspired by Ruth 1:16-17, and of course I said “YES!” We are now planning our wedding which will take place hopefully early next year. We both firmly believe that the reason the Lord blessed us with our engagement and future together is that we honored my parents, which the Lord commands us to do and in turn blesses our faithfulness. 
 

From our experience, we both want to encourage all those who are reading this to wait patiently on the Lord for Him to provide, to follow the biblical principles given in His word for seeking a godly spouse and to be submissive to those whom God has given as authority over us. We also would like to warn members not to allow your relationships to become “glorified dating.” This is particularly difficult in an e-friendship (like SGS or others) where the nature of that friendship is personal and discreet and not always easy to be monitored by parents. Jonathan and I struggled a lot with this and realize how difficult it is to not become quickly enamored and overexcited, especially when there are engagements and marriages being announced frequently. Under these circumstances, it is easy to allow the romance of the possibilities and the success of previous members to override judgment and to presume that it must be the Lord’s will. SGS is a blessing because it provides a haven for people to meet, but SGS cannot curb the human heart (Jer. 17: 9). Dean has done a wonderful job of monitoring the site and protecting all the members, but it is up to each member to take the responsibility to guard the heart and fully rely on the Lord (Prov. 4: 23).

 

Dean, we do thank you for your hard work on SGS and for providing such a site, but we believe that you will agree that it is God who is to be praised above and beyond measure for His marvelous works of providence. We know that there is nothing that we do that is not preordained by Him, and He has seen fit to bless your work tremendously. He has caused our lives to be made complete by bringing us together. The Lord has blessed us more than we can ever or will ever deserve and thanks be unto Him for His gracious blessings!

 

May God continue to bless you and others through your hard work on Sovereign Grace Singles.

 

Sincerely in Christ,

Kelly Campbell and Jonathan Smuts

 

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William

Testimonial by Jeff & Gracie

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Jeff and I met via SGS in August of 2017, soon after I (Gracie) decided to give it a try. I wasn't on SGS in search of a spouse--in fact, I thought I would happily live as a single person for the rest of my life. But I just happened to be desperate for Christian fellowship, having found myself in an area where the nearest reliable reformed church was two-and-a-half hours away. My plans of being happily single flew out the window as Jeff and I went from being friends to. . . well, friends. . . then FRIENDS. Jeff proved to be one of the most authentic, multi-faceted people I'd ever met. He was the sort of person who didn't just spout perfect orthodox reformed theology (which is important, to be sure,) but rather demonstrated that he understood real-person problems, needs, goals, and dreams. And importantly, he wasn't afraid to have fun. We could go from discussing the Christian life to sharing music to watching movies together (first we sent links back and forth through the chat function, then I got a really nice webcam so that Jeff could screen-share what he was watching in Minnesota while I looked on from Idaho.) By the time January rolled around, we were spending at least twenty hours a week chatting, video chatting, voice calling, and texting one another. (Sometimes we'd multitask so that we could spend time together; I'd turn on the webcam while I was cooking, or Jeff would call while he was driving.)

 

Anyway, Jeff decided it was time to come to Idaho for a visit. We both knew that we were getting serious, but we weren't quite prepared to tell each other what we were thinking. So, shortly before Jeff flew out, we each agreed to write each other an email with all the things we wanted to say to the other but hadn't. We sent each other the emails with strict instructions not to read them until we'd met in person. It was a trust exercise, of sorts. When we finally met in person for the first time, things moved so quickly that we didn't need to read each other the letters. After two days of visiting, we decided to spend the rest of our lives together, beginning in May of 2018. Though on paper our relationship had moved at a dizzying speed, we were both peaceful and confident that we had made the right choice. Because SGS sets its users up for long-distance relationships that force people to talk to get to know each other, the intensive periods of time Jeff and I had spent together resulted in a deep relationship within a matter of months.

 

Today, we're enjoying our eight-month-old marriage with plans to continue that indefinitely. We live in an area with a great, supportive church and no lack of Christian fellowship. Jeff's pastor even turned out to be my former pastor's brother--who would have guessed? The only two downsides: I'm not used to Minnesota winters yet, and I have a really nice webcam that doesn't get much use.

Dean Scott

Steven and Sarah "Met on SGS"!

 

 

Serious minded Christians of any age know how tough it can be to find a like-minded mate (or even like-minded friends). But when you're a Calvinist—well, that really makes it tough. Sovereign Grace Singles is a wonderful site, where Christians of different denominations but a similar belief in the Five Points can meet people of similar beliefs. Whether you're looking for friends or romance, you should definitely consider giving SGS a try. I have found Dean to be honest, responsible, reliable, and even generous in his capacity as founder, owner, and CEO of Sovereign Grace Singles.

 

 

 

 

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William

Testimonial by Matt & Julia

After years of online dating off-and-on, Matt and I finally crossed paths on Sovereign Grace Singles. Matt expected his first message to me to fall on deaf ears, but there soon ensued a flurry of loquacious emails! A week into messaging each other, we found out we were both going to the SGS swing dance retreat in Lancaster the next weekend. Being from the area, Matt asked me out before the start of the retreat. We shared a sophisticated lunch and an autumn stroll, then headed to our first swing dance lesson together (the perfect excuse for Matt to hold my hand). By the end of the weekend, we'd not only braved a swing dance retreat but had also observed in each other the qualities we'd been seeking in a spouse—and we couldn't wait to see each other again. Over the next few months we spent every weekend together. Goodbyes became more difficult. Marriage came up early. We got engaged just before Christmas, and now we're planning a March wedding in 2019. Starting out on the same page theologically and sharing common interests has helped move our relationship along. We're so thankful for SGS!

 

 

Dean Scott

“That’s just crazy! Are you serious!?”

One can go to a hundred different dating sites to find “The One” but Sovereign Grace Singles has facilitated one unique story. The story of Becky and Kenny that sparks comments such as, “That’s just crazy!” or, “Are you serious!?”

 

On June 13th, 2019 Kenny from Maryland came across a Facebook post that referenced SGS. Being a single reformed Presbyterian with no prospects in his local community, he was intrigued that a reformed dating site existed. After creating an account and spending a whopping 30 min browsing the site, someone messaged him in the chatroom, “Hi, where’s your picture?”

Becky from California just so happened to walk into her room where her kids were playing on the computer and noticed that a profile was up on her screen with the chat box ready for dialog. Thinking her children were browsing for “a new Husband,” as they would say, she gave a quick glance at Kenny’s profile without a picture and decided to reach out and make conversation. Unbeknown to Becky that Kenny was only on the site for about 30 min, asked, “Hi, where’s your picture?”

 

Kenny responded with, “It’s being approved; I am new here.” Becky said, “Send me one in the chat.” Kenny submitted a picture, and Becky offered her number. He was skeptical of the speed in which she offered her number, having spent 7 years and thousands of dollars on other dating sites without someone offering their number that quick, decided that it must be a scam. She asked to talk on the phone, but Kenny, still being skeptical thinking that this is too good to be true, responded by saying, “Perhaps another time.”

 

On June 14th, the following day, Kenny reached out and called Becky. They had their first phone conversation of 4.5 hours. The second day the same – another 4.5 hour phone call. Kenny knew this was much different than any other conversation he has had and thought this must be The One. They were completely aligned on every issue and met and exceeded each others expectations for what they were looking for in a mate. After only two weeks of talking and never having met, decided to start talking marriage. Kenny had a ring picked out at the end of the week, and Becky bought a wedding dress. By week three it was settled that they both wanted to marry each other but didn’t have a date set or an official proposal. Due to life events Kenny and Becky had to wait about six weeks from first talking until they finally met in person. During the 45 days they talked everyday no less than 4 hours and up to 9 hours. Kenny flew out to California to meet Becky for the first time and proposed that week.

 

They set a date of October 14th 2019 for the wedding, exactly 4 months after starting communication and having only met 3 times (including the wedding). God used SGS to connect us and we thank them for facilitating God’s plan for our life!

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