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SovereignGraceSingles

Welcome to SovereignGraceSingles.com. Where Reformed Faith and Romance Come Together! We are the only Christian dating website for Christian Singles in the Reformed Faith worldwide. Our focus is to bring together Christian singles of all ages. Reformed single Christian men and women who wish to meet other Reformed Christian singles for spiritually, like-minded, loving relationships.
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SovereignGraceSingles

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” - Genesis 2:18
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SovereignGraceSingles

Meet Like Minded Believers Can two walk together except they be agreed? - Amos 3:3
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SovereignGraceSingles

John Calvin puts forward a very simple reason why love is the greatest gift: “Because faith and hope are our own: love is diffused among others.” In other words, faith and hope benefit the possessor, but love always benefits another. In John 13:34–35 Jesus says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Love always requires an “other” as an object; love cannot remain within itself, and that is part of what makes love the greatest gift.
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SovereignGraceSingles

SGS offers a "fenced" community: both for private single members and also a public Protestant forums open to Bible-believing Christians such as Presbyterians, Lutherans, Reformed, Baptists, Church of Christ members, Pentecostals, Anglicans. Methodists, Charismatics, or any other conservative, Nicene-derived Christian Church.
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Dean Scott

SGS Profile Photo (and other posted Media/Videos) Policy:

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Dean Scott
Staff

SGS Profile Photo (and other posted Media/Videos) Policy:

1) The photo must be of your own face. Your adorable puppy, your new car, a sunset, or a funny meme you like all have their place in your profile, but they do not indicate to other users who YOU are. And they want to know that. Post all other photos and memes in the Media section of your profile. Reserve your profile photo for YOU!

2) The photo must be reasonably recent. Please don’t post a photo from 10 years ago when you looked younger. It’s not honest, and that member you become interested in will likely not appreciate the surprise when meeting you in person for the first time.

3) It must be an actual photograph of you… not a drawing, cartoon, or other embellished representation of you. Be open and transparent. Other members will appreciate your down-to-earth honesty and your humility in being real.

4) Don’t obscure your face with clothing, accessories, objects, or shadows. Since this is online dating, rather than in-person dating, try your hardest to make the experience as close to in-person dating as possible. Imagine the following situation: You are on an in-person first date. Your date refuses to remove their sunglasses and low-brimmed hat throughout the date, and always stays at least partially hidden in shadow. Would you go on a second date with that person? Most likely you would have some genuine concerns about their integrity, wouldn’t you? The same holds true for online dating. It’s already a slightly risky setting (just like in-person first dates). Be honest. Be open. Don’t hide.

5) Demonstrate Biblical modesty. Nudity won’t be tolerated under any circumstance. This goes for your profile photo as well as any photos or videos you post to the Media section of your profile. For Men: no shirtless photos, no provocative postures. For Women: No low-cut shirts, super tight clothing, sheer clothing, or provocative poses.

*Please be aware that major offenses in this category may result in an immediate profile ban, without refund. Minor offenses will result in contact by one of the admins, with a request to remove whatever violates our policy.

6) When posting a photo that features one or more other people, consider if they would appreciate appearing on your SGS profile - and whether or not you should get their permission first. You might wish to blank out their faces. Above all, make it absolutely clear which person is YOU in the photo.
 
7) Be careful posting a photo with children, whether they are yours or someone else's. While we do our best to minimize the dangers of online dating on SGS, there are predators who look specifically for people with children. Guard the little ones in your life!
 
8) While the quality of your profile photo isn’t everything (and I realize there are limits to everyone’s ability, technologically and otherwise, to take professional photos), do your best to capture a photo of yourself from a flattering angle. This is often as simple as facing the camera straight on, and looking slightly downward as you would when talking to someone, rather than tilting your head up and back. In addition, if you hold the camera below face level, and look down at it to take the photo, you are not going to look your best.
 
9) Smile! Show the sunny radiance of a countenance that knows the joys of Christ! We know you can do it. A simple smile goes a long, long way.

 

*Closing note: As always, if you have any questions concerning our policies, please feel free to ask. We’re happy to help wherever we can.

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davidstarcher

I finished the video I was producing for my profile and as expected there are unstated limitations on the file size for the videos which can be uploaded to SGS. After some trial and error it seems to be about 50MB per video. I was able to degrade the quality and separate out part of my video into a different file to finally get all of what I had produced to a size which can be uploaded.  Can you actually confirm what the file size limit actually is?

Also, I had previously asked in my message specifically about my intent to include a brief clip of my children and asked if was ok to do so and I didn't actually get a response to that. Can you or staff review my two video which I uploaded and determine if they fit your guidelines? The first video is just about me, my family, and what I am looking for while the second is a brief tour of my workplace(warehouse).

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William
Staff
Posted by: @davidstarcher

I finished the video I was producing for my profile and as expected there are unstated limitations on the file size for the videos which can be uploaded to SGS. After some trial and error it seems to be about 50MB per video. I was able to degrade the quality and separate out part of my video into a different file to finally get all of what I had produced to a size which can be uploaded.  Can you actually confirm what the file size limit actually is?

Also, I had previously asked in my message specifically about my intent to include a brief clip of my children and asked if was ok to do so and I didn't actually get a response to that. Can you or staff review my two video which I uploaded and determine if they fit your guidelines? The first video is just about me, my family, and what I am looking for while the second is a brief tour of my workplace(warehouse).

As far as I am aware the video limitation sounds about right. Should also be auto authorized without staff review. 

We are working on new software at the moment which will allow people to post videos from 3rd party sources. For example, unlisted Youtube videos then could be directly placed onto the site. You'd simply upload a video to your Youtube account and not publish it publicly. Then on the new site software you'd just copy the private link and the video will auto embed onto the page. That will eliminate any limitations on our end since we won't be directly storing the video files. Just say'n you may want to keep your long unedited version for after we implement our new site. In the meanwhile feel free to upload your reduced sized video. 

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Guest Psalm103

I only want to share my photo & identify with people I have gotten to know & trust.

Also, if I was a Pastor, for example, I wouldn't want my photo here publicly!


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davidstarcher

@psalm103

I don't see how it is possible to know or trust someone when they aren't willing to identify themselves and that goes both ways. 

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Guest Psalm103

@davidstarcher

Why don't you have a profile picture?

Also, I am not here for dating. If you read my profile I am here to meet reformed people who live near me for friendship and fellowship.

Furthermore, what if you were a pastor or church leadership looking for a wife? Do you think it wise to be publicly exposed to searches?

I also don't think there should be free searches either! or free memberships! Though refunds could be issues to those legitimately disappointed.

I am praying a lot about this because I think this reformed site is important, but needs to be more secure.

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davidstarcher

@psalm103

I do have a profile picture it just doesn't show up in the message board.

I understand you aren't here for dating but all relationships friendship or otherwise require self-revelation. You can't get to know someone or trust them unless they reveal information about themselves and they can't know or trust you unless you reveal information about yourself.  Knowing who you are dealing with and that they are being honest about themselves is the basis of trust. 

As far as the hypothetical pastor or church leadership looking for a wife I do believe that it would be wise to be publicly exposed to searches and for them to be open about what they are doing. As a congregant I would actually be more concerned if they were being secretive about it.

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davidstarcher

@psalm103

I think that may be a generational difference. I was using the Internet as a kid back when almost nobody even heard of it and you dialed in with a 2400 bps modem via a local Internet Service Provider; at that time nearly everything online was just text. I also make my living online and have done so for the last 20 years so I freely communicate basic information about myself on a daily basis with complete strangers and have never found it to be risky. I think the alleged risks are actually overblown and the real risks can easily be avoided with common sense precautions.  

Even those church leaders who do not have an online social media presence of their own are going to end up being mentioned by others online if they are involved in any significant ministry; it's just a matter of whether they are going to tell about themselves or let other people define them in ways that may be less truthful. 

I have never had any pastor recommend against online dating. Actually the ones I know don't seem to want to be involved in any way with the dating or courtship of the members; The very topic seems to make them uncomfortable and they avoid even discussing it. 

I don't have much expectation that I will actually meet someone here that's interested in marriage as the number of members is to few in my area and my circumstances quite difficult. I am mostly staying on because I enjoy the conversations on the message boards; it's worth the cost of the membership just by itself. 

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davidstarcher

@psalm103

I didn't mean generational in a critical or derogatory sense(not saying uneducated or lack experience) but rather as an observation. My dad also used punch cards in college and he has much of the same reservations about online use and exposure. He had to be dragged kicking and screaming into using the Internet at all and still doesn't like it and I have noticed it is a common theme among many of those older than me. Most people my age and younger that I have met do not share the same reservations and many are far more comfortable about sharing their private information then even I would be (posting daily photos and updating the routines of their life constantly for everyone to see).  My rule of thumb is that if you would do it to a stranger in person then there is no reason you shouldn't do it online and that you provide on a need to know basis, if they don't need or have a good reason to know then why are they asking? Your name, phone number, and address have always been available in the local phone book unless you asked them not to list it and I don't wear a bag over my head when I leave the house so my image isn't and shouldn't exactly be a great secret. 

Children are a special consideration because they lack the knowledge, experience, discretion, and reservations that an adult normally has and are particularly vulnerable to being taken advantage of.  However the Internet is the present and future of nearly all of society including the workplace and so learning to navigate it and becoming familiar with online security is essential; I don't think those who try to greatly limit their children's access are doing them any favors in the long run. Education is the key not avoidance or paranoia. 

Identity theft is not new and pre exists the Internet and is just fraud by misrepresenting identity; for example stealing someone's checkbook and writing bad checks in their name is identity theft. Online it is primarily performed by accessing someone's accounts either by logging in as them,  tricking them into giving vital information, or stealing their information from a compromised server(aka hacking). Most identity theft is used just for making unauthorized transactions for financial gain and doesn't go beyond that. Your basic information and photo is not sufficient for that to occur. Keeping others from logging in as you is a matter of having good passwords not the same on every place you log into and changing it frequently, not being tricked is a matter of education, and having your information stolen by a hacker accessing a third party who has your information is actually completely outside your control.  Most identity theft problems can be identified and dealt with by simply monitoring your financial accounts and then reporting and changing them promptly when a problem occurs. 

The dangers or data mining, image recognition, AI, are real but also completely unavoidable; that is the future and in many ways the present. I have long include a line in my prayers that God would keep me and my family safe from evil men and evil institutions. I put those concerns in the hands of God.

The pastor's I know well are old men approaching retirement age who shepherd small congregations with 30-75 members, limited resources, and few or no additional ministries beyond the sunday service, prayer meeting, children's, and adult sunday school;  they tend to want to finish without rocking the boat or making members upset so they would rather stick to non controversial things like the doctrines of grace or various tenants of our confession.  I understand where they are coming from but I disagree with it as I think pastors need to speak the whole counsel of God and specific issues like not being unequally yoked, duties and responsibilities within marriage,  abuse, or biblical grounds for divorce get sidelined with predictable results. For my own edification I have found reformed media on sermon audio and youtube to be more helpful in this area. 

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William
Staff
Posted by: @psalm103

Also, I am not here for dating. If you read my profile I am here to meet reformed people who live near me for friendship and fellowship.

I think you're going to be very well pleased with our new focus, direction, and services to the Reformed community come our new website rollout in early January. 

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William
Staff
Posted by: @davidstarcher

@psalm103

I didn't mean generational in a critical or derogatory sense(not saying uneducated or lack experience) but rather as an observation. My dad also used punch cards in college and he has much of the same reservations about online use and exposure. He had to be dragged kicking and screaming into using the Internet at all and still doesn't like it and I have noticed it is a common theme among many of those older than me. Most people my age and younger that I have met do not share the same reservations and many are far more comfortable about sharing their private information then even I would be (posting daily photos and updating the routines of their life constantly for everyone to see).  My rule of thumb is that if you would do it to a stranger in person then there is no reason you shouldn't do it online and that you provide on a need to know basis, if they don't need or have a good reason to know then why are they asking? Your name, phone number, and address have always been available in the local phone book unless you asked them not to list it and I don't wear a bag over my head when I leave the house so my image isn't and shouldn't exactly be a great secret. 

Children are a special consideration because they lack the knowledge, experience, discretion, and reservations that an adult normally has and are particularly vulnerable to being taken advantage of.  However the Internet is the present and future of nearly all of society including the workplace and so learning to navigate it and becoming familiar with online security is essential; I don't think those who try to greatly limit their children's access are doing them any favors in the long run. Education is the key not avoidance or paranoia. 

Identity theft is not new and pre exists the Internet and is just fraud by misrepresenting identity; for example stealing someone's checkbook and writing bad checks in their name is identity theft. Online it is primarily performed by accessing someone's accounts either by logging in as them,  tricking them into giving vital information, or stealing their information from a compromised server(aka hacking). Most identity theft is used just for making unauthorized transactions for financial gain and doesn't go beyond that. Your basic information and photo is not sufficient for that to occur. Keeping others from logging in as you is a matter of having good passwords not the same on every place you log into and changing it frequently, not being tricked is a matter of education, and having your information stolen by a hacker accessing a third party who has your information is actually completely outside your control.  Most identity theft problems can be identified and dealt with by simply monitoring your financial accounts and then reporting and changing them promptly when a problem occurs. 

The dangers or data mining, image recognition, AI, are real but also completely unavoidable; that is the future and in many ways the present. I have long include a line in my prayers that God would keep me and my family safe from evil men and evil institutions. I put those concerns in the hands of God.

The pastor's I know well are old men approaching retirement age who shepherd small congregations with 30-75 members, limited resources, and few or no additional ministries beyond the sunday service, prayer meeting, children's, and adult sunday school;  they tend to want to finish without rocking the boat or making members upset so they would rather stick to non controversial things like the doctrines of grace or various tenants of our confession.  I understand where they are coming from but I disagree with it as I think pastors need to speak the whole counsel of God and specific issues like not being unequally yoked, duties and responsibilities within marriage,  abuse, or biblical grounds for divorce get sidelined with predictable results. For my own edification I have found reformed media on sermon audio and youtube to be more helpful in this area. 

Couldn't agree more with your comment. And I find it refreshing to find another aware, educated, and vocal about informing others. 

I went through an identity theft before government offices, forms, and websites were created in order to recover from such action. I dealt with people stealing my identity and ruining my credit. At one point after informing a collection agency that I had no knowledge of the credit taken out on my name they stated "my claim was frivolous". Imagine that, a creditor and collection agency that wasn't required to provide proof of identity. 

Well, I recovered from the identity theft and take this very seriously. 

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William
Staff
Posted by: @psalm103

The smartest minds in AI even know that we need to develop other AI's to police AI's because no human can analyze many of their activities even now!

Scary, whose sense of morality will A.I. that polices other A.I. programs be modeled after? Which standard of morality will these model the program on? 

Tired question for those educated in Presuppositional apologetics. That pesky question, "by what or who's standard". 

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davidstarcher

@william

I think we know what standard they will be using and who will be targeted. The real question for every Christian to ask is if they will engage in self-censorship to avoid consequences or speak out knowing it may cost them. 

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William
Staff
Posted by: @davidstarcher

@william

I think we know what standard they will be using and who will be targeted. The real question for every Christian to ask is if they will engage in self-censorship to avoid consequences or speak out knowing it may cost them. 

I find it difficult to believe a lot of Christians will even entertain the idea of suffering for the faith when they can't even refrain from using Google or Facebook. Two known platforms that both target and censor Christian/Conservatives. I know, I know, the guys and gals on FB say, "they've never censored me". Yet nothing on their wall remotely indicates they are Christian. 

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davidstarcher

@psalm103

Just a few of my thoughts on that.

The more investigation you do into each applicant the more they will have to reveal about themselves which if they live in a place where being  a Christian is risky then they will be placing them more at risk by asking and investigating the question and indeed such verification may not even be possible without putting other people at risk.

It doesn't seem to me that an online platform which someone can't access in the first place would be of much value to them. Even if they were being "sponsored".

Becoming a missionary is usually a decision due to individual conviction that God has called one to the work and is best affirmed by a church and done so for the spread of the gospel without ulterior motives such as marriage.

What kind of verification does the Puritan Board have that makes it different? From what I can tell there isn't much beyond asking for what church you are a member of which doesn't do any good unless it is verifiable and as you have previously said "most churches I know advise their members to NOT do online dating" which means even in the USA they may not be willing to verify membership if the church knew the purpose.

The more restrictive you make it for people to get on SGS the less likely people will make the effort. Less people means less effectiveness of the purpose of SGS and less revenue to keep it going.

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William
Staff
Posted by: @psalm103

First: they are not able to use Paypal.

And worse ... many can't even get debit or credit cards to do digital on-line transactions.

And even worse  ... some can't even do bank transfers or even western union!

Coordinating financial transactions with most of our foreign missionaries and churches is very, very challenging .. and in some cases actually dangerous!

Lots of word of faith preachers made their way to Africa. Names like Benny Hinn, T.D. Jakes. Heard they were taking goats and livestock from Africans for the tithe and offerings. 

 

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William
Staff
Posted by: @davidstarcher

@psalm103

Just a few of my thoughts on that.

The more investigation you do into each applicant the more they will have to reveal about themselves which if they live in a place where being  a Christian is risky then they will be placing them more at risk by asking and investigating the question and indeed such verification may not even be possible without putting other people at risk.

It doesn't seem to me that an online platform which someone can't access in the first place would be of much value to them. Even if they were being "sponsored".

Becoming a missionary is usually a decision due to individual conviction that God has called one to the work and is best affirmed by a church and done so for the spread of the gospel without ulterior motives such as marriage.

What kind of verification does the Puritan Board have that makes it different? From what I can tell there isn't much beyond asking for what church you are a member of which doesn't do any good unless it is verifiable and as you have previously said "most churches I know advise their members to NOT do online dating" which means even in the USA they may not be willing to verify membership if the church knew the purpose.

The more restrictive you make it for people to get on SGS the less likely people will make the effort. Less people means less effectiveness of the purpose of SGS and less revenue to keep it going.

Another site I admin(d) [past tense] for dealt with this very issue. Our Chinese based members could not day to day reach our site. The Chinese censorship there is worse than FB or Google [teehee], not just pushing search results to the back of the list but flat out blocking access. They need to VPN their way to the site. All in all, Chinese are persecuting Christians. I hope Chinese Christians aren't that clueless in not knowing that websites which are searchable in the Chinese search engines must be registered with the Government. And all searches performed by search engines, the very companies that perform them share user information with the government. Google recently came under fire for a secret project code named dragonfly which works with Chinese officials effectively blocking out terms or sites promoting democracy, religion, freedom, etc. 

There is only so much verification we can do or are willing to do. In the past SGS observed other sites such as the Puritan board and another dating site which targeted the Reformed demographic. There's only so much information a church is even willing to give, whether a person is an attendee or member, in good standing or not. Not to mention there are issues with manpower to actually inquire on all members. We receive a good amount of people registering every day. 

Regarding screening etc., there's also the liability issue. We would be essentially stamping someone as genuine or approved. To me, marriage etc., is too important decision to rely on someone else' stamp of approval. I mean, I don't even think profiles are adequate. Someone may give good profiles like a resume but in a final personal interview come up short and appear as a first class con. It's why the New SGS will be focusing on other areas and providing more ways of personal and public communication. The more a person talks the more they reveal various aspects, qualities, character etc about themselves. 

I short, I think there's a place for not only individual discernment but group or community discernment. There's a place for individual and community discussion. Such exposes and says how an individual relates to others. And others may just reveal something an individual had not thought of, that is, good and bad. 

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Guest Psalm103

Thank you @william for your response. And thank you too @davidstarcher

There are some things I can't reveal online about some foreign missions problems, and sadly it seems some are fated to be single.
Many will never be able to use SGS in its current configuration, nor it seems in the new platform either.

But I do understand your points. 

 

 

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Dean Scott
Staff
On 12/25/2019 at 10:09 PM, Guest Psalm103 said:

I only want to share my photo & identify with people I have gotten to know & trust.

Also, if I was a Pastor, for example, I wouldn't want my photo here publicly!

 

Guest... 

 

There are already Pastors on SGS and there have always been... several were the very first SGSers and are feature in the Testimonials. 


Why would you not want to have your Profile on SGS if you were a Pastor?? I know many and they have Facebook pages too!

 

Dean

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Jerrbears
On 12/26/2019 at 12:23 AM, davidstarcher said:

@psalm103

I don't see how it is possible to know or trust someone when they aren't willing to identify themselves and that goes both ways. 

exactly!

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Dean Scott
Staff
On 12/25/2019 at 10:23 PM, davidstarcher said:

@psalm103

I don't see how it is possible to know or trust someone when they aren't willing to identify themselves and that goes both ways. 

David...

I agree 100%!

The very fact that someone creates a good profile AND Subscribes... ie, pays, to be involved with SGS, "vetts" a lot of persons who would otherwise not be.

 

Those very facts should make SGSers or prospective SGSers more likely to be involved.

Dean

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Jerrbears
8 hours ago, Dean Scott said:

David...

I agree 100%!

The very fact that someone creates a good profile AND Subscribes... ie, pays, to be involved with SGS, "vetts" a lot of persons who would otherwise not be.

 

Those very facts should make SGSers or prospective SGSers more likely to be involved.

Dean

that and also feel more comfortable, and not feeling distrust/lack of security.

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atpollard
On 1/13/2020 at 2:30 PM, Dean Scott said:

Guest... 

 

There are already Pastors on SGS and there have always been... several were the very first SGSers and are feature in the Testimonials. 


Why would you not want to have your Profile on SGS if you were a Pastor?? I know many and they have Facebook pages too!

 

Dean

I have a friend that worked in the Maldives as a Marine Biologist until his Church Affiliation was made public and he was expelled with the rest of the "missionaries" to that Island group.

I have a distant niece (through inlaws) that works with Muslims in China ... she could also not have her picture or church affiliation posted on the internet.

(Just saying that there are people with legitimate reasons).

 

Personally, I was reluctant to post a picture when I got the notification ... but my reasons had nothing to do with a need for secrecy.  The message was presented as something for SINGLE Members to get to know one another ... and I am married and wanted to do NOTHING that might even hint that I might be a single.  (If I post a picture, It will be one that includes my wife and daughter.)  For me, I felt uncertain that I should be a "member" of "Sovereign Grace Singles". [so I am still feeling out the changes.]

Edited by atpollard
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Becky
Staff

This is a dating site  for most folks . We know you @atpollard 🙂  !  That photo over to left has been married for over 55 years 

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davidstarcher
23 minutes ago, atpollard said:

I have a friend that worked in the Maldives as a Marine Biologist until his Church Affiliation was made public and he was expelled with the rest of the "missionaries" to that Island group.

I have a distant niece (through inlaws) that works with Muslims in China ... she could also not have her picture or church affiliation posted on the internet.

 

I don't think hiding your church affiliation or Christian identity to avoid being fired, be excluded from being hired, or in any way avoid persecution is a legitimate reason. Christians have been called to do that from the beginning.

 

Matt 10:32-33 "Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven."

 

 

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